The use of mobile phone is an antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
With the development of technology, using smartphones has been popular in recent years and has impacted the individual lifestyle. It has been suggested that mobile
phones
should be banned like smoking because of its drawback as smoking. In my opinion, I don’t accept this
proposal because it is baseless and impossible.
The use of mobile phone
is not Fix the agreement mistake
phones
an
antisocial as smoking. Correct your spelling
as
Firstly
, the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phone
are dependent on the user. Just as the object and usage of the smartphone of the owner is good or awful. Fix the agreement mistake
phones
For example
, the government supplied smartphones as devices for poorer pupils to study online with their teacher during the covid
pandemic. Correct your spelling
COVID-19
Secondly
, mobile phones
do not affect communication and people’s health as smoking is leading
to some health problems. Wrong verb form
leads
For instance
, smoking harms the lungs of smokers and people around it
, Correct pronoun usage
them
while
individual phones
just influence the owner.
Moreover
, mobile phones
are also
necessary and developing human’s
life. Apparently, they help people contact each other from far away. It’s obvious that sons and daughters studying abroad can call a video and keep in touch with their parents . Change noun form
human
Besides
, individual phones
provide news for users fastly
or they can check maps and weather forecasts Rephrase
fast
everytime
if they want. To illustrate, people can read Replace the word
every time
the
up-to-date international news Correct article usage
apply
by
their Change preposition
on
phones
.
In conclusion, I totally disagree that the use of mobile phone
is antisocial. Correspondingly, mobile Fix the agreement mistake
phones
phones
also
should not be banned while
they don’t have negative
Correct article usage
a negative
an
influence Correct article usage
apply
as
smoking.Change preposition
on
Submitted by dohuyhoang on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
introduction
Your introduction should clearly present your opinion on the given statement. While you stated that you don't accept the proposal, your introduction could have been more assertive by starting with a clear statement that previews the reasons why.
body paragraph
Aim to present one main idea per paragraph and develop it with a detailed example. Your second paragraph provides two separate main points, and while you touch on the benefits and role of smartphones during the pandemic, more specific examples or data would strengthen your point.
focus and development
It's important to ensure that your essay remains focused on the question. When discussing the necessity and benefits of mobile phones, relate it back to whether this supports your argument against banning them in the same way as smoking.
conclusion
Your conclusion successfully restates your opinion, but ideally, it should also briefly summarize the reasons you've provided throughout the essay. Strengthen your conclusion by clearly summarizing the main reason why mobile phones should not be banned.
coherence
Organize your thoughts coherently by planning the logical structure of the essay before you start writing. Make sure each paragraph logically follows from the previous one and leads to the next.
cohesion
To enhance cohesion, work on linking words and phrases. Although you've used some, there's room for improvement to ensure that ideas within and across paragraphs are connected more smoothly.
examples
Specific examples strengthen your arguments. Look for personal, historical, or current event examples that directly relate to the task and use them to support your main points.