IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

should human adapt to technology or should technology be adapted to us? Is technology making us intellectually weaker or more intelligent? Discuss both views and give your point.

#technology #point
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Nowadays,
technology
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 is integrated into every aspect of our lives. So, it seems hard if we try to stay away from it.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 tech-based lifestyle can make us more intelligent,
while
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in contrast
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, if we do not
use
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 it carefully we will suffer from some mental health problems. Humans innovate
technology
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 to make their lives easier. So, they have more advanced facilities, but they should adapt to them if they want to
use
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 them.
Technology
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 advancements have been growing fast, and there is nothing to stop them.
Therefore
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, if the public cannot
use
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 new-brand tools, and devices society will consider them weak.
For instance
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, in recent years when a woman wants to apply for a secretary position in a company, she should be able to work with the latest computer software like Microsoft Word.
As a result
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, in
this
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 situation she has
this
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 opportunity to be hired,
otherwise
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 she will be rejected. It is an undeniable fact that
technology
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 can make our brains both weaker and stronger. Actually, it has a lot to do with how we
use
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 it. For more explanation, if we
use
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 it just for posting photos or scrolling on social media
instead
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 of learning new things we may face concentration problems. In recent years, teenagers have had serious obstacles in solving their math problems
due to
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 watching various content on social media. At the same time, it is hard for their brains to focus on a specific topic. So, it is really important to be careful when using
technology
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. In conclusion,
technology
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 is a vital topic in the modern world, so I think everyone should know how to
use
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 it.
Additionally
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, if we
use
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 it practically we will enhance our knowledge, and boost our minds’ performance.
Submitted by afrough on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the question thoroughly. Both views were discussed, but including more specific examples and insights could provide a deeper analysis.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on linking ideas more smoothly within and between paragraphs. Using a wider range of cohesive devices could enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Expand your introduction and conclusion to more clearly state the topic and recap your main points. This will strengthen the cohesion of your essay and make your position more clear from the start.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adaptation
  • advantages
  • challenges
  • technological advancements
  • dependency
  • integration
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • convenience
  • communication
  • knowledge
  • skills
  • creativity
  • limitation
  • innovation
  • automation
  • artificial intelligence
  • cognitive abilities
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