IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Medical services should be run by profit-making companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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It is often argued that the medical industry ought to be run by private corporate enterprises. I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement because there are several reasons
such
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 as medical costs will be expensive and
medicare
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insurance
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 prices will be increased.
This
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 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons. To commence with, medical services should not be taken over by profit-making
companies
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 because
treatment
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 costs will be expensive as compared to before
due to
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 private
companies
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 focusing only on earning more profits rather than serving people and treating diseases without profits.
Consequently
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, rich persons can only afford a better quality of medical service than poor
folks
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due to
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 expensive.
For example
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, the wealthy population have a chance to increase life expectancy by getting better
treatment
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,
in contrast
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, the poor
folks
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 cannot afford the high cost of medical services.
Thus
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, a huge gap might be created between the affluent families and the underprivileged families. Ergo, I strongly agree that private organisations should not run the medical field.
Moreover
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, when a private enterprise runs a medical field
medicare
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insurance
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's price peaks as compared to before because they have to earn more profits rather than doing service to the population. Meanwhile, third-party
insurance
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's monthly due amount is high but the
insurance
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 will not cover all medical expenses when the profit-making organisation runs the medical service.
For instance
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, American
Medicare
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Insurance
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 Company is a private company-based enterprise, the third-party
insurance
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 amount is high, so only rich people can afford and use it, on the other side, poor
folks
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 cannot buy third-party
insurance
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due to
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 expensive.
Hence
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, the private
companies
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 should not be taken over the medical
sector
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.
To conclude
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, certainly, the medical
sector
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 ought not to be run by profit-making
companies
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 because rich
folks
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 can only get better
treatment
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 than the poor population
due to
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 the high cost of medical
treatment
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, the third-party
medicare
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 cost is expensive, so all people cannot buy
insurance
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.
Therefore
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, I strongly disagree with that the private
companies
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 should not run the medical
sector
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. I hope the public
sector
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 will be taken over
this
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 field
instead
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 of private ones.

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task achievement
Ensure that your position is presented clearly in the introduction and is consistent throughout the essay. Your argument needs to be coherent and directly address the question throughout.
coherence cohesion
Work on logical sequencing of sentences and paragraphs; each idea should flow logically to the next.
task achievement
Support main points with specific examples or data where possible, which will add strength to your argument. Avoid generalisations.
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