IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#countries #graduates #employment #factors #situation
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Recently, there has been a growing number of highly qualified
graduates
 without work. I believe
this
 is caused by limited job opportunities and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
soft skill
Add a hyphen
soft-skill
show examples
graduates
.
This
 problem can be solved by the government and academic institutions playing a significant role in solving
this
 problem. Despite the fact that many universities produce highly qualified
graduates
, there are only a few job opportunities. The number of
graduates
 is higher than available
jobs
.
Therefore
, in spite of having a high qualification, many
graduates
 are still unable to find a job. To tackle
this
 issue, the government should provide more
jobs
, so they can create a policy to encourage
self employment
Add a hyphen
self-employment
show examples
 by providing entrepreneurship courses and
also
 capital so that more people can own a business.
This
 will create new worker opportunities. Another factor is the fact that the
graduates
 do not have the soft
skills
 that many companies need. Take communication
skills
 as an example. It can help people to communicate with other people or their bosses
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and helps their presentation with their good public speaking.
This
 problem could be addressed by adjusting the university curriculum which caters to highly essential soft
skills
such
 as communication and presentation. By doing
this
, the university does not only produce
graduates
 with highly qualified hard
skills
 but
also
possess
Correct subject-verb agreement
possesses
show examples
 the practical
skills
 to perform effectively in a working environment.
To sum up
, many highly qualified
graduates
 are unemployed in developed countries because there are only a few
jobs
 available and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of communication
skills
 from the
graduates
. The government should create more
jobs
 by having an entrepreneurship policy
while
 the university can incorporate practical
skills
 in
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 curriculum.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, you need to ensure that the transition between your ideas is smoother to increase coherence. Use a variety of linking devices to connect your sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
task achievement
While you have addressed the prompt, you should aim to discuss the points in more depth. Provide a wider range of ideas and support them with more specific examples. Illustrate your points with precise data, research findings, or anecdotes for a stronger argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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