IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exloited and that thery should have the same rights as humans, while others arque that humans must employ animals to satsisfy their various needs, including for food and research.

#people #animals #thery #rights #humans #arque #satsisfy #food #research
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Although
Linking Words
, a group of
people
Use synonyms
 believe
th
Correct your spelling
that
animals
Use synonyms
 should have the same equal level of
rights
Use synonyms
 as
humans
Use synonyms
 . So, it should not be exploited by
people
Use synonyms
. I agree with the
people
Use synonyms
 who believe
humans
Use synonyms
 can use
animals
Use synonyms
 as their food and for research
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
also
Linking Words
. On the one hand, a group of
people
Use synonyms
 feel that
animals
Use synonyms
 should not be
expoited
Correct your spelling
exploited
exported
. Because, in their
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
show examples
 they view every living as common and all
animals
Use synonyms
 should have their own
rights
Use synonyms
 to make a life in the world based on their level and abilities. We
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 as a living creature
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not have any kind of
Use synonyms
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to hurt or exploit any other
animals
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
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 with sensitive behaviour and see
animals
Use synonyms
 as their family end up with
belief
Correct article usage
the belief
show examples
 that
animals
Use synonyms
 should not be
hurted
Correct your spelling
hurt
show examples
 in all the
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 possible.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a number of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
humans
Use synonyms
 can consume
animals
Use synonyms
 as food and use it for research
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
. I agree with his opinion because,
animals
Use synonyms
 are good
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of various kinds of nutrients and In order to understand their physiology and their behaviour, it could be used for
experiment
Replace the word
experimental
show examples
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
also
Linking Words
 .
For instance
Linking Words
, animal meat
contain
Correct subject-verb agreement
contains
show examples
 rich protein and it helps to maintain and grow different muscle groups in the body, it
also
Linking Words
 helps to create a balanced diet for healthy living. In conclusion, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
animals
Use synonyms
 should not be exploited by
humans
Use synonyms
 and have their own
rights
Use synonyms
 as equal to
humans
Use synonyms
 . But,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with the opinion that
people
Use synonyms
 can consume
animals
Use synonyms
 as their food source and use it for experimentation.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
The essay's argument has some organization, but the progression of ideas is not always logical or smooth. Try to improve the linkage between ideas and the overall flow of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, they lack a clear thesis statement and summarization of main points. Work on sharpening your opening and closing paragraphs to make your position unequivocal.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are stated, but not all are developed with ample support or example. Strengthen your essay by providing more detailed explanations and adding more specific, relevant examples.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task only partially. It should cover both views and provide reasons for your position with more balanced discussion before conclusion. Ensure to explore all aspects of the question with depth, giving a fair view of both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Your ideas are at times unclear and not fully developed. Make your ideas comprehensive by explaining them completely, using clear and precise language.
task achievement
You need to provide more relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. Generic statements are not as convincing as those backed up with concrete examples or evidence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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