Some people believe that children in schools should learn how advertisements motivate us to buy things. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Talking about materials that students should learn in class raises different opinions. Some people think that
kids
have to study
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how far the effect of broadcast on consumer purchase decisions
.
Add a missing verb
is.
show examples
Well, in my opinion, that
subject
matter is not suitable for
kids
due to
their childhood innocence and academic priorities. Nowadays, advertisement media have grown so fast which is crucial
to
Change preposition
for to
show examples
us gain an understanding of how they work.
However
,
this
major is far beyond for children to learn at their age. Since their cognitive skill is still not completely mature like adults, they will have difficulty learning. In
this
stage of age, they are still innocent. As an illustration, when I was a child, my main focus in school was to play games with my friends.
Therefore
, applying the publication
subject
will burden them, and it can lead to demotivation.
Furthermore
,
academy
Correct article usage
the academy
show examples
curriculum should focus more on academic and practical subjects which have a direct contribution to children's development. Schools have to be able to develop learning materials that are not only good but
also
fun.
For example
, they can arrange a study trip to nature in order to learn more about the environment. Combining theory and practice will make it easy for students to understand.
This
kind of
subject
is much more needed by
kids
rather than pushes them to analyse consumer behaviour.
To sum up
, I want to notice once again that
kids
should not be burdened by advanced majors
such
as explaining advertisements.
This
subject
may be more proper to apply to high school students as
kids
do not have rational reasoning in their ages.
In addition
, they have more crucial priorities to learn
for instance
mathematics and science.
Submitted by mmmuuu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a clearer and better-developed argument structure. Try using paragraphs effectively to separate your ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences are directly linked to this main idea. Avoid general statements and provide specific examples to illustrate your points.
task achievement
While you have addressed the prompt, the extent of your response could be expanded. It's also important to ensure that your personal opinion is consistently clear throughout the essay. Consider adding more detailed examples to support your claims, and directly address both sides of the argument to enhance the balance and depth of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuasion
  • consumerism
  • brand awareness
  • manipulative techniques
  • subliminal messaging
  • materialism
  • impulse buying
  • psychological triggers
  • advertisement deconstruction
  • media savvy
  • ethical advertising
  • targeted advertising
What to do next:
Look at other essays: