IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that countries should produce all the food necessary to feed their populations and import as little food as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #countries #food #populations #import
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A number of individuals are of the opinion that
countries
 around the world should produce the
food
 they need to feed their citizens and import less. I fully agree with
this
 statement, and in
this
 essay, I will discuss the reasons for
this
 and provide examples to support my viewpoint. First of all, producing
food
 is extremely essential for
countries
. Since the beginning of human history, it has been a top priority among all necessities.
That is
 because if they don't produce the
food
 they need, they can remain dependent on different
countries
 which is not a secure way. They may become dependent on those
countries
 they get
food
 and
as a result
, they might lose their independence.
For instance
, in the 15th century, the King of Egypt changed the country's policy and imported all the nutrition from the Ottoman Empire and
as a consequence
, the Ottomans conquered Egypt only in a few weeks. In
this
 case, it is extremely important that
countries
 should provide their own
food
.
Secondly
, it is more fruitful for the country's economy. To elaborate, importing
food
 from other
countries
 has economic burdens
such
 as shipping costs. These costs might be really expensive related
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the country where
food
 comes from.
For example
, Scotland has been importing bananas from India for 20 years which causing them a huge expense.
In addition
, if
countries
 grow
food
 on their own lands,
this
 money can be invested in public services
such
 as health systems and public transportation.
Overall
, the idea of
countries
 producing their own
food
 is more beneficial than importing from other
countries
.
This
 essay argued that nations should produce their own
food
 related to their independence and economic plus side. In my opinion, it is genuinely more beneficial
due to
 its advantages.
Submitted by edzcls on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your essay maintains a clear logical structure throughout. Use a range of cohesive devices effectively, and ensure that paragraphs are well-developed with clear main ideas and relevant supporting details.
Task Achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. Although you have provided your opinion, make sure to discuss both sides of the argument, where relevant, to ensure a balanced view. Provide clear and comprehensive responses to the prompt.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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