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Some people think that children should aim to their best at what they are doing while others believe it is not necessary for them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #children #aim
In modern times, the issue of
aim
 in
life
 has become highly controversial. Some say that
children
 should
aim
 for their best,
however
, others believe that they should not. In
this
 essay, I will examine both sides of the argument and provide my
overall
 opinion. Generally speaking, there are two main reasons why
people
 consider that juveniles should be highly ambitious in their every phase of
life
. Perhaps the main reason why
people
 are in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
this
 idea is that it will help
children
 to obtain success. A good illustration of
this
 is that
people
 who set their goals high often shine in
life
 and
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their expectations. A
further
 point in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
people
's belief in terms of youth dreams is that they will make a perfect society. If youngsters become educated, they will minimize all the negative issues in their communities and turn into a better place to live. Despite these arguments, there is
also
 a case for the notion that
children
 don't need to
aim
 their best. The main cause why individuals think that it is not necessary is because it could affect their mental health. When someone fixes a dream and if they fail to achieve it in
life
, it will badly affect their mind.
As a result
, sometimes they give up on their
life
 and often intend to suicide.
Secondly
, they can not enjoy their
life
.
Cause
Correct word choice
Because
show examples
 they will feel pressure in their daily
life
 to gain their
aim
.
Hence
 their personal
life
 become a mess. In conclusion, it must be said that
children
's aims have become a complex issue with no easy solutions. Despite arguments, I strongly feel that
children
 should
aim
 for their best.
Submitted by sahareatushar124 on

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction sets out the topic clearly, with a strong thesis statement that outlines the views you will be discussing. Aim for a more comprehensive conclusion that summarises your main points and clearly states your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay needs a clear logical structure, with well-organised paragraphs that have clear topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument. Transitions between ideas should be smoother to enhance readability.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support each viewpoint thoroughly. The current essay lacks detailed examples that could help illustrate the points being made, thus enhancing its persuasive quality.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • striving for excellence
  • discipline
  • perseverance
  • competitive
  • reduces pressure
  • balanced development
  • fosters creativity
  • realistic goals
  • adverse mental health outcomes
  • achievable aspirations
  • balanced approach
  • participation
  • enjoyment
  • societal and cultural impact
  • understanding of success
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