Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #university #education #work #society

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The topic of whether graduates should apply for a

university

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degree as an executive

education

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or they should commence working immediately has long been at the centre of discussion. I personally uphold the view that as diversified as our society is solely

people

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with certain professions should seek a

further

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education

Use synonyms

like a

university

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degree. On the one hand, the complexity of some professions requires

people

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to undergo a long educational journey to be able to serve as competent professionals. To illustrate, doctors and scientists are obliged to climb the hierarchical ladder of

education

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starting from a bachelor's to a PhD degree consecutively if they ever dream about being a well-respected individual in their lives.

Furthermore

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, studying in a

university

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is a basic human right and everyone can benefit from the knowledge that they might gain during the time spent in universities. Consequentially,

this

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will cause a surge in the

people

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education

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index, increasing labour efficiency in countries.

On the other hand

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although

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some

people

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prefer to carry their

education

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to a higher level by attending

university

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classes, others remain inactive and pursue a different career path that might be a good serve for society. Those exceptionally gifted

people

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usually choose a profession that does not require any educational affiliation at all and what matters is their talent.

For example

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, entrepreneurs and investors are some of the most elite occupations that provide plentiful employment opportunities and huge monetary value for the communities.

In addition

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to that the majority of them are known to be school drop-outs rather than studying at the top-tier universities without any professional background. In conclusion,

although

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obtaining an extensive

university

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education

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may contribute to the advancement of societies,

this

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may not hold true for certain exceptionally talented individuals who possess an inherent ability to create value.

Submitted by orkhanshamil on Fri Jan 05 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure. Work on linking your ideas more clearly and cohesively throughout paragraphs. Use varied and appropriate linking words to show the relationship between different ideas.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present, but would benefit from a stronger thesis statement and summary of the main points. Make sure your concluding sentences effectively summarize your discussion without introducing new information.

coherence cohesion

While your main points are generally supported, adding more specific examples and elaborating on them further would strengthen your arguments and support your statements more convincingly.

task achievement

You have addressed the topic and provided a response to the task, but ensure that the ideas are developed fully. Expansion on the main ideas with more depth would enhance the response.

task achievement

Your ideas are clear and mostly comprehensive, but to achieve a higher score, the interconnection of ideas can be improved. Make sure each paragraph flows naturally to the next, and maintains a clear focus throughout.

task achievement

Include more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. This evidence helps to demonstrate a full understanding of the topic and provides stronger support for your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

300 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

tertiary education
academic pursuits
vocational skills
innate talent
job market
hands-on experience
entrepreneurial spirit
economic landscape
higher education
apprenticeships
graduate employability
lifelong learning
socio-economic development
job readiness
workforce integration

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Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or not agree?

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam’’ How true do you think this statement is? What are measures can the government take to discourage people from using their cars?

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?