The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market.

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
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The bar chart demonstrates the total number of
Japanese
tourists who took a trip overseas (measured in millions) between 1985 and 1995,
while
the line chart delineates the
share
percentage
of
Australia
that resulted from the
Japanese
tourist market. Looking from
overall
Correct article usage
an overall
show examples
perspectives
Fix the agreement mistake
perspective
show examples
, the onset of an increase in
Japanese
tourists who travel overseas throughout a 10
-year
period
was
also
directly proportional to the substantial rise
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Australia
's
share
percentage
from
Japanese
visitors. First of all, over the 5
-year
period
since 1985,
Japanese
who were keen to take an international trip remained below 10 billion.
Conversely
, the total
percentage
of
Australia
's
share
contributed by
Japanese
wayfarers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
has shown a significant increase since the beginning and reached its peak at an approximate total
percentage
of 4.8 in 1988.
Furthermore
, the
share
had dipped to the lowest
percentage
throughout the 10
-year
period
, registered at approximately 4.2% in 1989.
Began in
Verb problem
From
show examples
1990 onwards, the proportion of
Japanese
who underwent travel
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad started to grow, exceeding the number of 10 billion. Despite the fluctuation throughout the 6
-year
period
, the total number of
Japanese
who took a trip to another country had rocketed dramatically, recorded at 15 billion.
Furthermore
, for the
share
of
Australia
, followed by the year 1989, it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gradually increased and reached its highest
percentage
, exceeding 6% in 1993 before
Correct article usage
a slightly
show examples
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
decline in 1994.
Submitted by chastinervine on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore".
Vocabulary: Replace the words japanese, share, percentage, australia, -year, period with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • decade
  • fluctuation
  • consistent growth
  • market share
  • peak
  • period
  • significant
  • trend
  • indicate
  • tourism industry
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