IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that "Employers should not be concerned about the way their employees dress, but the quality of their work". To what extent do you agree or disagree to this belief?

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In the modern workplace, the debate over whether employers should prioritize
employees
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'
attire
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 or their professional output remains contentious.
While
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 some contend that dressing appropriately fosters a sense of discipline and professionalism, others argue that an individual’s performance is far more significant.
This
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 essay will explore both perspectives and assert that
while
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attire
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 may hold relevance in certain professions, job performance should ultimately take precedence. The fundamental purpose of any organization is to achieve optimal productivity and efficiency, both of which are driven by
employees
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' skills and expertise rather than their
attire
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. In industries
such
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 as technology, academia, and creative fields, professionals often
dress
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 casually, yet their contributions are invaluable.
For instance
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, leading tech companies like Google and Microsoft prioritize innovation and problem-solving over
dress
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 codes, demonstrating that success is rooted in competence rather than appearance.
Thus
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, imposing rigid clothing standards may be unnecessary and even detrimental in some work environments.
Nevertheless
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, in client-facing industries,
attire
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 can influence perceptions of credibility and trustworthiness. Professions
such
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 as banking, law, and hospitality require
employees
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 to adhere to a formal
dress
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 code to uphold the organization’s image and
instill
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instil
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 confidence in clients. A well-groomed appearance can enhance a company's reputation and ensure a sense of decorum in the workplace.
However
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, even in these sectors, professional competence should remain the paramount concern, with
dress
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 codes serving as a secondary consideration rather than a primary requirement.
While
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 appropriate
attire
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 may be beneficial in select industries, the
caliber
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calibre
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 of an employee’s work is undeniably more critical. Employers should focus on an individual's skills, dedication, and output rather than superficial aspects like
dress
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. Striking a balance—allowing
employees
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 a degree of sartorial flexibility
while
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 maintaining professional decorum—would be the most pragmatic approach to fostering both productivity and workplace harmony.

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task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view of the issue, though the arguments could be further developed with more specific examples, particularly for the importance of attire in client-facing industries. This would enhance the depth of the analysis.
coherence and cohesion
The transitions between points are generally smooth, but consider adding more linking words or phrases to enhance flow and cohesion throughout the essay, especially when moving between perspectives.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents a clear thesis statement and develops the argument logically, demonstrating a strong understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraph structure is well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point, which supports readability and comprehension.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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