IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In the past people liked to store knowledge in books. However, in the present, we prefer to store knowledge on the Internet. Do you think the advantages outweight the disadvantages?

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It is commonly known that the older generation prefers to store knowledge in books,
whereas
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 younger people tend to store their knowledge in cyberspace. In my personal opinion, putting data through the internet provides more benefits than drawbacks compared to the preferences of past people. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both sides of the phenomenon.
To begin
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 with, there are several advantages of serving science on online platforms.
Firstly
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, they allow the global society to gain information equally. Compared to written science, it is extremely effortless to spread information to the global masses since most media are internationally connected.
Secondly
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, the net highly diminishes the time
that is
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 needed to send data to a public audience.
For instance
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, the amount of time required to share some insight through a virtual platform could be less than 5 seconds, unlike the books that needed weeks or months to be delivered to society.
On the other hand
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, various disadvantages of placing data on the internet are present as well. By presenting once-expensive learning on the internet, scholars' interest in purchasing books and enrolling in formal courses is notably decreased, exactly like what
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 happened in the United States since the year of 2010. In turn, the nation's economic growth had fallen marginally.
Moreover
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, the worldwide community will value the luxury of information less since they can access it with perfect ease.
Nonetheless
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,
this
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 situation demonstrates a higher level of common intelligence and will increase humankind's cognition quality.
To conclude
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, both the pros and cons of cyberspace usage to store facts exist.
However
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, I believe that the pros outweigh the cons because it brings fair access to the Earth's inhabitants and spreads them
in
Change preposition
at
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 an utterly instant pace.
Nevertheless
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, each person has to be aware of the disadvantages since it can lead the millennials to grasp an ungrateful behaviour.

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introduction conclusion present
While your essay has an introduction and conclusion, you should aim to provide a more impactful thesis statement and a summarizing conclusion that echoes the original prompt's significance.
supported main points
Ensure that the main points of your essay are developed with clear, specific examples and evidence. Without them, your arguments may not be persuasive or comprehensive enough.
complete response
Your overall response to the task is satisfactory, with both views and your opinion given. However, the task could be improved by offering a more nuanced discussion, exploring the implications of each point in greater depth, and providing specific examples for illustration.
clear comprehensive ideas
To enhance clarity and the presentation of ideas, work on crafting stronger topic sentences and make sure each paragraph has a clear focus. Try to elaborate on points with more precision to avoid general statements.
relevant specific examples
While several examples are provided, they often lack detail and specificity. Aim to include more thoroughly explained and highly relevant examples to support your arguments effectively.
logical structure
Your essay is structured in a logical manner. However, providing clearer transitions and more intentional paragraphing would help in enhancing the essay's coherence and the reader's ability to follow your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital literacy
  • Accessibility
  • Multimedia
  • Hyperlinked
  • E-publishing
  • Sustainability
  • Information overload
  • Obsolescence
  • Cybersecurity
  • Digital divide
  • Intellectual property
  • Critical thinking
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