IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places, while others believe that people should be allowed to use them. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #phones #places
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It is argued that using mobile
phones
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 should not be allowed in public
areas
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,
while
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 others believe they should not be banned.
This
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 essay strongly agrees with the latter view.
While
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 prohibiting phone use may help protect
people
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 and lower death rates, using
phones
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 is essential in today’s world
due to
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 our reliance on technology in our daily routine and in emergencies. Mobile
phones
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 provide us with several benefits. They are easy to use and carry. Banning mobile
phones
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 in public
areas
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 will hinder individuals, as
phones
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 are essential for navigation and finding destinations.
Furthermore
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, mobile
phones
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 help us stay connected and schedule meetings.
For example
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, in many regions,
people
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 no longer carry wallets or bags because they use mobile payment systems,
such
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 as Apple Pay, which is installed on their
phones
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 to pay. Another reason to consider, mobile
phones
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 are crucial in emergency situations. In public places,
people
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 rely on mobile
phones
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 to contact the police or medical services. They provide
people
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 with security and safety.
For instance
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, for
people
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 who need medical attention in public places, having a phone can help save lives.
For instance
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, during accidents in heavy traffic, using a phone to call for help might be the only way to survive.
To conclude
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, not allowing mobile
phones
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 in public
areas
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 might be harmful, more than useful. If we decide to ban mobile
phones
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 we must be prepared to face the consequences of not having them available in public
areas
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by m.seba770 on

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task achievement
Consider developing your counterargument more clearly. Present the opposing viewpoint more robustly before refuting it, which will add depth to your essay and show that you have considered different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied linking words and phrases to improve the logical connections between your ideas, and ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
introduction conclusion present
Clear introduction and conclusion that effectively set out and summarize your position on the topic.
logical structure
Logical flow of ideas within paragraphs, with each point well-developed.
relevant specific examples
Relevant examples that support the main points, making your argument more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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