Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In recent years, there has been a tremendous increase in the number of individuals questioning whether the
economic
is a true representative of the Replace the word
economy
country
’s progression. While
some may feel that economical
Replace the word
economic
success
is the outermost level of acheivement
. Others, including myself, strongly oppose Correct your spelling
achievement
this
view and believe that other criteria such
as,
social integrity and Remove the comma
apply
technology
advancement aspects are equally important.
Replace the word
technological
To begin
, there is an argument to be made that some governments focus only on the economical
statistics to judge Replace the word
economic
on
their development. Change preposition
apply
For example
, The United States is considered to be the most powerful country
in the world and many other countries fall under their control, simply because they have the strongest economy and highest share of gold worldwide. For
this
reason, it is evident that power is granted for
countries that have solid financial grounds, without which they have no global impact and someone else controls them. What is more, many of these governments which are financially stable have offered Change preposition
to
high
quality of living for their citizens, which clearly depicts that Correct article usage
a high
economy
has helped them to establish well-being for society. Correct article usage
the economy
This
being the case, it can be assumed that if the country
had weak economical
growth, Correct word choice
economic
this
would elaborate the reason for low standards of living.
Nonetheless
, it must be stated that opponents to this
theory believe in the necessity of the
social relationships and advanced technology for the Correct article usage
apply
country
to thrive. For instance
, Japanese
population has invented robots to analyse the financial difficulties of the population and find solutions for them, which inevitably has reduced the poverty rate by one-third in the Add an article
the Japanese
last
5 years. Therefore
, it is clear that
,
developing the technological resources of the Remove the comma
apply
country
is beneficial, clearly due to
their integrative usage with the
human intelligence to facilitate the room for Correct article usage
apply
success
. Furthermore
, the unity between people and strong social communication will drive the entire community toward working together to build a more secured
future, which lead to Replace the word
secure
stronger
economy Add an article
a stronger
as a result
. With this
in mind, there is no doubt that if government
reconsider the definition of Correct article usage
the government
success
in the country
, this
would help everyone to progress and improve the overall
economical
growth.
Correct word choice
economic
To conclude
, while
some may argue that economics play the most important factor in deciding on the country
’s success
. Others, myself included, hold the view that there are other factors to assess precisly
Correct your spelling
precisely
this
goal.
From my perspective, it is very essential to tackle the country
as one unity
Correct your spelling
unit
instead
of focusing on one area and neglegt
the others.Correct your spelling
neglect
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Task Achievement
Ensure that there is a clear thesis statement at the end of the introduction to guide the reader through the argument. The conclusion should also clearly restate your position and summarize the main points.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay could be improved by ensuring the topic sentences clearly state the main idea of each paragraph. Transitions between paragraphs should be smooth and logical.
Task Achievement
Ideas should be developed more fully with specific examples. General statements need to be supported by detailed reasons or data to strengthen the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on the range of cohesion devices used. Try to incorporate a greater variety of linking words and phrases to help sentences and paragraphs flow together more naturally.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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