IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development ?

#countries #people #products #world #development
People tend to utilize increasingly similar products almost in all aspects of life, across the world.
This
 essay will argue that the drawbacks of
this
 outweigh the advantages. the essay will first demonstrate that
homogenelizing
Correct your spelling
homogenising
destroy
Correct subject-verb agreement
destroys
show examples
 local cultures and diversity which results in national
crisises
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crises
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, followed by an analysis of how the primary advantage, namely
economic
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the economic
show examples
 aspect, is not valid. The main damage of choices of similar products are possibility of reducing local individualism and becoming one
homogene
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homogeneous
 population across the globe.
That is
 to say that today's youngsters prefer the same clothes, spend time on some well-known social media platforms by watching parallel
influxe
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influx
influxes
,
choose
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and choose
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 one of
narrow
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a narrow
the narrow
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 range of leisure facilities
due to
 the
dominence
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dominance
 of Western
value
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values
show examples
.
Consequently
,
this
 trend has increasingly been causing to overshowing of local values
such
 as traditional meals, clothes, holidays,
musics
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music
kinds of music
pieces of music
show examples
, games, and so on that seems to be committed
the
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to the
show examples
 loss of them entirely in the long term. Those opposed to
this
sat
Verb problem
said
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 that it creates new markets and job
oppotunities
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opportunities
 which
has
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have
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 vital
mean
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means
show examples
 for especially, developing countries.
For instance
, fast food chains
such
 as
,
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apply
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McDonalts
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McDonalds
, KFC,
BurgerKing
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and BurgerKing
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 and fashion brands
likely
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like
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, Zara,
Chanel
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and Chanel
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 offer costless
vacants
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vacancies
 in the labour market for citizens in
the
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apply
show examples
third world
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third-world
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 nations particularly, Bangladesh,
Pakistan
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and Pakistan
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.
However
,
this
 advantage can be substituted by
governments
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government
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 support for flourishing local minor
business
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businesses
show examples
,
as well as
,
impove
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improve
 traditional individualism for tourist
influxe
Correct your spelling
influx
influxes
. In conclusion, based on
Correct article usage
the
show examples
illumination above I think
usage
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the usage
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similar
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of similar
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 products all over the world causes more negative effects that outweigh
opportunities
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the opportunities
show examples
 offered.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more logically. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly and that your main points are easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Improve clarity in your writing by avoiding complex sentence structures that might confuse the reader. Use clear and concise sentences when presenting your ideas.
task achievement
Back up your points with more relevant and specific examples. Make sure your arguments are well-supported to strengthen your essay.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are fully developed. Provide more detailed explanations for your statements to make them comprehensive and convincing.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have provided an introduction and conclusion, which help in framing your essay.
task achievement
You have included some specific examples to support your points, which enriches your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • diversity
  • homogenization
  • cultural assimilation
  • global connection
  • local businesses
  • economic impact
  • consumerism
  • standardization
  • westernization
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