In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say that an aging population creates problems for governments. other people think that there are benefits if society has more elderly. to what extent do the advantages of having ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays,an increasing rate of life expectancy is occurring in many countries around the world. Some individuals believe that
this
phenomenon has several issues for the government. Meanwhile, others consider them as a valuable part of the society. In this
essay,both views are going to be discussed,however
, I am concerned that its merits outweigh the demerits.
On the one hand, the most significant problem of an ageing population for the authorities,
is providing relevant conditions. Remove the comma
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For instance
,such
vulnerable groups of citizens require special support,medical provision and attention. Hence
,it is necessary to offer qualified healthcare and social welfare systems. A colossal amounts of funding from the budget are demanded to guarantee these facilities and a comfortable lifestyle. Japan,could be regarded as an example,where the government spends a great part of its resources to cater for the needs of elder people.
On the other hand
, an ageing population offers numerous benefits for the prosperity of the nation. The impact of grandparents on the preservation of a cultural heritage and traditions,
is undeniable. Remove the comma
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Moreover
, pieces of advice given by them is
helpful for youngsters, based on their lifetime experiences. Correct subject-verb agreement
are
For example
,in Uzbekistan, grandparents play a paramount role in the majority of families. That is
why younger members ask for their guidance and rely on the wisdom of older ones,before making important decisions.
In conclusion, despite some problems for the authorities mentioned before, an ageing population is an inseparable part of our lives. They give an opportunity for intergenerational knowledge exchange. So it leads to a more harmonious,enlightened society and helps to maintain the
cultural and traditional values.Correct article usage
apply
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task achievement
The introduction offers a general view of the topic, but could be improved by clearly stating the thesis statement and more directly addressing the question regarding the extent to which advantages outweigh disadvantages. A clear position should be maintained throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The main body paragraphs discuss contrasting views but should provide a clearer connection between the ideas presented and the overall argument. Transitions could be smoother, and a more structured approach would enhance the effectiveness of the points made.
task achievement
Supporting examples are present, but they are somewhat general. More specific, detailed examples with a clear link to your argument would strengthen your essay substantially.
task achievement
Your conclusion summarizes the points made but could more explicitly restate the extent to which one side outweighs the other to completely fulfill the task response.
coherence cohesion
To achieve better coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is fully developed and not just mentioned. Cohesion is achieved not just by using linking words, but by making sentences flow logically from one to the other.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...