Using a computer every day can have more negative than postive effects on young children. Do you agree or disagree?

At the end
of 10th grade, I explored a new sphere with outrageous potential, Web 3.0.
This
field is about speculating digital pictures that have value in
this
community. At the beginning of my way, I started taking courses , and
then
day by day I made NFT a part of my daily routine and
consequently
, I started earning my livelihood.
However
, after 1 year,
while
working I spotted that very talented creators who are constantly making high-quality NFTs went unnoticed by the community. At
this
point, I realized that I wanted to help them and started planning my own ecosystem, where artists could buy a place at my
project
and
then
I could send out their creations to every volunteer for free, for just entering 1 use code that can be obtained from other accounts every 2 weeks, every month,
moreover
, these NFTs can be sold in platforms
such
as magiceden.io, tensor.trade, coral.cube. So, everyone has their own profit, people can receive NFTs from artists and are able to evaluate them, and
also
sell them to get money, as a head of
this
project
I may receive money from artists. Now, it is my dream to materialize
this
concept.
However
, to do it, I must
study
finances at an academic degree because
this
idea directly demands working with budget, controlling finances may avoid some big budget spaces in the lifecycle of
this
project
. Despite
this
idea, helping
community
Add an article
the community
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is in my blood. At
academic
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the academic
show examples
level
Add a comma
level,
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I invented
brand-new
Correct article usage
a brand-new
show examples
project
called "АфорБот"(AforBot) that helps people
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
learn
Correct article usage
the kazakh
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kazakh
Change the capitalization
Kazakh
show examples
language, by providing them test styled questions, for every right answer they have 1 minute of electricity that they can use to charge their devices. For
this
innovation
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innovation,
show examples
I received several prizes in local and republican
competetions
Correct your spelling
competitions
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and got the copyright for my idea.
This
machine was highly evaluated
among
Change preposition
by
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professors, society and IT specialists. I enjoy helping society to enhance their skills
either
Change preposition
in either
show examples
language or NFT. To work in Web 3.0 it is necessary to have high-speed internet.
Last
year, my friend was accepted to
study
in
Hungary
and his first expression was that
Hungary
has much faster internet speed than Kazakhstan. I was astonished and immediately went to search for some rankings. Unfortunately, Kazakhstan
ranked
Verb problem
apply
show examples
was ranked at the bottom of the ranking, but
Hungary
was in the top 20. I was amazed and interviewed him and turned out that he applied to
Hungary
with a special program - Stipendium Hungaricum. It was convenient to me because I explored the tremendous number of universities and
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
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offers
Correct pronoun usage
that offers
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full
scholarship
Fix the agreement mistake
scholarships
show examples
. Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
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I am working in Web 3.0, it did not mean that my family could afford me to
study
abroad and
this
program opened all the locked doors toward studying in
foreign
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a foreign
show examples
country. I am sure that
Hungary
will provide me with a high-quality education and will be the most convenient place to
study
Finances and implement my goal of creating my own ecosystem in the ocean called NFT.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks an introduction directly addressing the question. Begin with a clear statement of agreement or disagreement to establish the purpose of the essay.
complete response
The essay does not maintain focus on the effects of computer usage on young children. Stay on topic by providing specific examples and analyses directly related to the essay question.
introduction conclusion present
There is an absence of conclusion that brings the essay full circle. Ensure to include a conclusion that summarizes the key points and restates your position on the topic.
logical structure
The essay should be organized into clear paragraphs with each paragraph focusing on a single idea related to the question's statement.
logical structure
Use transitional phrases to enhance the flow from one idea to another, ensuring coherence between sentences and paragraphs.
supported main points
Support your main points with examples directly related to the effects of daily computer use on children, providing clear explanations for how they demonstrate your argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop your ideas fully by explaining how your examples are relevant to young children and the implications of computer use, focusing on either the negative or positive effects.
relevant specific examples
Use specific examples that are directly related to young children and the daily use of computers to strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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