IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The benefits of computers in modern society far outweigh the disadvantages. What is your opinion?

#computers #society
These days, the advantages of
computers
 exceed their disadvantages.
People
 are using
computers
 more and more since they are convenient and widely used. I wholeheartedly concur that the advantages outweigh the drawbacks, and
this
 essay will explain why. There are those who believe that
computers
 do more harm than good. Nowadays,
people
 prefer to stay on their phones more rather than actually mingling with their peers. They develop shyness and cause
gap
Fix the agreement mistake
gaps
show examples
thus
 leading to tainted relationships.
In addition
,
people
 are wary of using
computers
 since personal information can easily be obtained therein
thus
 run the risk of being hacked and exploited.
There's
Unnecessary verb
There
show examples
 is still a considerable number of
people
 who prefer to not use a computer at all.
On the other hand
, some individuals agree that
computers
 can be helpful.
To begin
 with,
computers
 make life easier. Any task may now be completed more quickly thanks to the basic gadgets we use at home. Machines are now completely automated and simple to operate like the introduction of electric automated cars.
Additionally
, it frees up more time for
people
 to engage in other activities,
such
 as hobbies or quality time with loved ones.
For example
, we can now use the internet to look up family-friendly activities to do, recipes to try and cook for our families, local tourist attractions to visit, or just to binge-watch television series that are available online. With
computers
, we may now engage in a wide range of activities.
To sum up
, I continue to maintain that there are many more advantages to
computers
 than negatives.
Computers
 have greatly made our lives more convenient and even allowed us to allocate time for other things.
Submitted by lwvnyn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your standpoint. Your conclusion should summarize your arguments effectively, reinforcing your opinion.
logical structure
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a central idea. Use cohesive devices like discourse markers, pronouns, and conjunctions to enhance readability.
supported main points
Expand your main points with relevant, well-developed examples to support your arguments more thoroughly.
complete response
Cover all parts of the task by answering the prompt fully and presenting a balanced discussion reflecting both sides of the argument before stating your own opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify your ideas by developing them sufficiently and ensuring that your argument is easy to follow throughout the essay.
relevant specific examples
Use specific, relevant examples to support your arguments. Vague and generic statements weaken the persuasive impact of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: