IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world, rural peoples are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Although
Linking Words
 countryside
areas
Use synonyms
 are free from some environmental problems
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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people
Use synonyms
deciding
Wrong verb form
decide
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 to settle down in urban places. I believe,
this
Linking Words
 has a negative impact on
people
Use synonyms
's lives and I discuss
this
Linking Words
 in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, moving to
cities
Use synonyms
 would not only increase traffic congestion but
also
Linking Words
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
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 environmental obstacles. To clarify
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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,
people
Use synonyms
 like travelling to
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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work by their own vehicle so every family moving to
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 would add the number of
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
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 on the road which becomes the cause of increasing air pollution in the urban
areas
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
International
Correct article usage
an International
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 News survey has shown that 55% of rural families had moved to
cities
Use synonyms
 in 2023 which
are t
Verb problem
is
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 responsible for rising
in
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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traffic problems
as well as
Linking Words
 environmental issues.
Consequently
Linking Words
, urban residents will suffer more in
coming
Correct article usage
the coming
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 years if
people
Use synonyms
 keep moving in those
areas
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, land shortages would be rising if more
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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are
Wrong verb form
were
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 built in the
cities
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. In
another words
Replace the adjective
another word
other words
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,
people
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 who really desire to build
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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 in the urban
areas
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 they are not only reserve land
of
Change preposition
for
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 recreational
areas
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 where parks and other
areas
Use synonyms
 should be built for
people
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 who can relax and enjoy themselves but
also
Linking Words
 decrease the chance of open spaces where
people
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 might take a breath of openness. In Japan,
for instance
Linking Words
,
cities
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 are congested with houses and
people
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don
Correct your spelling
do
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 not have open spaces to feel
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
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as well as
Linking Words
 they have to travel
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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 to get a break from
hustle
Correct article usage
the hustle
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 and bustle.
As a result
Linking Words
, a lot of money is spent on travelling to get
a
Change the article
an
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 experience of greenery and
natural
Correct article usage
the natural
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 environment by urban
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
people
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 are suffering from many obstacles in
cities
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
rising
Correct article usage
the rising
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 population in these
areas
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 where there is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of natural beauty and open
areas
Use synonyms
 so
people
Use synonyms
 commute more to connect themselves with nature.

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Introduction
Ensure your introduction presents the topic and your thesis clearly, providing a framework for the reader to understand your upcoming arguments. Try to use a hook to engage the reader.
Main Points Support
Develop your main points succinctly and support them with specific examples or data. Avoid vague statements and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that relates to the thesis.
Logical Structure
Work on utilizing transition words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Establish clear relationships between your ideas to strengthen the logical progression of your argument.
Conclusion
Strive for a clear and concise conclusion that summarizes your key points and restates your thesis, tailored to the development of your essay. Avoid introducing new arguments or ideas in the conclusion.
Task Completion
Address all parts of the task question to ensure a complete response. Stay focused on the essay prompt, and make sure every point you make directly relates to the topic and your thesis.
Example Relevance
Back your ideas with precise and relevant examples. Try to incorporate statistics, real-world instances, or quotes from credible sources to substantiate your points and make your arguments more convincing.
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