IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People are moving to the urban area leaving countryside. Is this negative or positive

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Although
Linking Words
 countryside
areas
Use synonyms
 are free from some environmental problems
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 decide to settle down in urban places. I believe,
this
Linking Words
 has a negative impact on
people
Use synonyms
's lives and I discuss
this
Linking Words
 in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, moving to
cities
Use synonyms
 would not only increase traffic congestion but
also
Linking Words
 raise environmental obstacles. To clarify,
people
Use synonyms
 like travelling to work by their own vehicle so every family moving to the city would add the number of vehicles on the road which becomes the cause of increasing air pollution in the urban
areas
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, an International News survey has shown that 55% of rural families had moved to
cities
Use synonyms
 in 2023 which is responsible for rising traffic problems
as well as
Linking Words
 environmental issues.
Consequently
Linking Words
, urban residents will suffer more in the coming years if
people
Use synonyms
 keep moving in those
areas
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, land shortages rise if more houses are built in the
cities
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. In
another word
Fix the agreement mistake
other words
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,
people
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 who really desire to build houses in the urban
areas
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 they are not only reserve land for recreational
areas
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 where parks and other
areas
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 should be built for
people
Use synonyms
 who can relax and enjoy themselves but
also
Linking Words
 decrease the chance of open spaces where
people
Use synonyms
 might take a breath of openness. In Japan,
for instance
Linking Words
,
cities
Use synonyms
 are congested with houses and
people
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 do not have open spaces to feel relaxed
as well as
Linking Words
 they have to travel
the
Change preposition
to the
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 countryside to get a break from the hustle and bustle.
As a result
Linking Words
, a lot of money is spent on travelling to get an experience of greenery and the natural environment by urban
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
people
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 are suffering from many obstacles in
cities
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the rising population in these
areas
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 where there is a lack of natural beauty and open
areas
Use synonyms
 so
people
Use synonyms
 commute more to connect themselves with nature.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical flow and development of ideas throughout the essay. Paragraphs should clearly follow one another with appropriate use of linking words and phrases to smoothly transition between points.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and provide a satisfactory overview and closure to your arguments. However, it would be beneficial to restate your main points in the conclusion, ensuring that the essay circles back to the introduction effectively.
coherence cohesion
While main points are supported, strive for more depth in your argumentation. Use a wider range of sentence structures and explore different aspects of the issue in more detail for a compelling argument.
task achievement
You have completed the task and presented clear ideas related to the topic. To score higher, ensure that every paragraph directly answers the question, unmistakably showing whether the development is positive or negative.
task achievement
The essay shows clear progression of ideas but could be strengthened by further expansion of those ideas, integrating more comprehensive analyses of the implications and consequences of the topic at hand.
task achievement
Relevant examples are noted but need to be more specific and detailed. Try to incorporate case studies or data that vividly illustrate the points being made and how they specifically relate to the prompt.
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