People are moving to the urban area leaving countryside. Is this negative or positive
Although
countryside areas
are free from some environmental problems but
Remove the conjunction
apply
people
decide to settle down in urban places. I believe, this
has a negative impact on people
's lives and I discuss this
in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
with, moving to cities
would not only increase traffic congestion but also
raise environmental obstacles. To clarify, people
like travelling to work by their own vehicle so every family moving to the city would add the number of vehicles on the road which becomes the cause of increasing air pollution in the urban areas
. For example
, an International News survey has shown that 55% of rural families had moved to cities
in 2023 which is responsible for rising traffic problems as well as
environmental issues. Consequently
, urban residents will suffer more in the coming years if people
keep moving in those areas
.
Secondly
, land shortages rise if more houses are built in the cities
. In another word
, Fix the agreement mistake
other words
people
who really desire to build houses in the urban areas
they are not only reserve land for recreational areas
where parks and other areas
should be built for people
who can relax and enjoy themselves but also
decrease the chance of open spaces where people
might take a breath of openness. In Japan, for instance
, cities
are congested with houses and people
do not have open spaces to feel relaxed as well as
they have to travel the
countryside to get a break from the hustle and bustle. Change preposition
to the
As a result
, a lot of money is spent on travelling to get an experience of greenery and the natural environment by urban people
.
In conclusion, people
are suffering from many obstacles in cities
due to
the rising population in these areas
where there is a lack of natural beauty and open areas
so people
commute more to connect themselves with nature.Submitted by maninderdeep on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical flow and development of ideas throughout the essay. Paragraphs should clearly follow one another with appropriate use of linking words and phrases to smoothly transition between points.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and provide a satisfactory overview and closure to your arguments. However, it would be beneficial to restate your main points in the conclusion, ensuring that the essay circles back to the introduction effectively.
coherence cohesion
While main points are supported, strive for more depth in your argumentation. Use a wider range of sentence structures and explore different aspects of the issue in more detail for a compelling argument.
task achievement
You have completed the task and presented clear ideas related to the topic. To score higher, ensure that every paragraph directly answers the question, unmistakably showing whether the development is positive or negative.
task achievement
The essay shows clear progression of ideas but could be strengthened by further expansion of those ideas, integrating more comprehensive analyses of the implications and consequences of the topic at hand.
task achievement
Relevant examples are noted but need to be more specific and detailed. Try to incorporate case studies or data that vividly illustrate the points being made and how they specifically relate to the prompt.