IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

We are becoming more and more dependent on machines to function in the modern world. Some people think it is a very negative development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#machines #function #world #people #development
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We are not only utilizing
machines
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
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professional
Correct pronoun usage
our professional
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life's
Change noun form
lives
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 but
also
Linking Words
use
Wrong verb form
using
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 them on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
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 basis and It is thought that
inventions
Correct article usage
the inventions
show examples
 of
machines
Use synonyms
 have made us more dependent on them. I believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 it is a positive development in
this
Linking Words
 modern
world
Use synonyms
 and I discuss
this
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 in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with,
people
Use synonyms
 who think that utilizing
machines
Use synonyms
 everywhere is negative not only think about health but
also
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 consider
about
Change preposition
apply
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cognitive abilities. In
another word
Fix the agreement mistake
other words
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, depending on different
machines
Use synonyms
 to fulfill our tasks
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 several health problems
such
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 as eyesight weakness,
headache
Fix the agreement mistake
headaches
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, mental illness
as well
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as
Correct your spelling
a
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 lack of
self skills
Add a hyphen
self-skills
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. Computer usage,
for example
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, is rising day by day as all the business tasks are done by it in a few seconds
such
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 as sending emails to another company,
therefore
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, when
people
Use synonyms
 invest
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
more time on
this
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 device their eyes are
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
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 by screen and mind feels heavy.
Also
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, when we all depend on these devices we do not use our abilities to solve some problems
such
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 as mathematical.
Consequently
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, we get more physical problems and lack of ability to solve obstacles by ourselves.
However
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, it is irrefutable that machinery has developed our nation on
high
Add an article
a high
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 level and made
this
Linking Words
world
Use synonyms
 a small village. Mobile phones and computers,
for instance
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, not only allow us to do business internationally but
also
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 make everything easy in
this
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 competitive
world
Use synonyms
 as
people
Use synonyms
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 initiate their own business online and sell multiple products to get financially strong.
Also
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, mobile phones provide us
multiple
Change preposition
with multiple
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 apps to learn new languages to connect with
people
Use synonyms
 from other nations and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
also
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assists
Correct subject-verb agreement
assist
show examples
 us
to travel
Change preposition
in traveling
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 around the
world
Use synonyms
 to see its natural beauty by providing appropriate information about places.
As a result
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,
machines
Use synonyms
 have given us a lot of opportunities to migrate
one
Change preposition
from one
show examples
 country to another to experience other cultures. In conclusion,
inventions
Correct article usage
the inventions
show examples
 of
machines
Use synonyms
 have more positive sides and these devices made our
world
Use synonyms
 more developed.
Also
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are getting more money with the help of
machines
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by maninderdeep on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position on the topic, and try to outline the main points you will discuss in the body paragraphs.
logical structure
Work on the logical flow of ideas through the use of cohesive devices and appropriate paragraphing. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea.
supported main points
Support your main points with clear and relevant examples. Examples need to be specific and effectively illustrate the point you are making.
complete response
Be sure to address the task prompt fully. Both views and your own opinion should be clearly and comprehensively presented throughout the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive to express your ideas clearly and comprehensively, ensuring clarity and precision in your argument.
relevant specific examples
Expand on your examples to fully illustrate your points and to show a deeper analysis of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • inevitable integration
  • enhancing comfort
  • fostering dependency
  • diminished human skillsets
  • cognitive abilities
  • over-reliance
  • social isolation
  • economic impact
  • job displacement
  • economic disparities
  • environmental concerns
  • ethical considerations
  • privacy
  • surveillance
  • autonomy
  • mitigating negative impacts
  • technological advancement
  • human well-being
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