IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Describe the skills a person needs to be a good parent.

#people #idea #schools #person #parent #skills
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
 many people think that it would be a great decision to study teenagers in school to be a better parent, others think that only
parents
 educate their children far way better than anyone else. I agree that
parents
 have the best qualities and experience to teach their generation to be
parents
 in good manners.
This
 essay will include some of the skills that
parents
 must teach their sons with
further
 explanation in the following paragraphs. The foremost quality is that
parents
 earn respect and faith in god which is achieved in their journey so
this
 one should educate their kids to pass on to the upcoming generation. To add the value of family and responsibilities
also
 have a vital point to teach and guide them to earn in a respected way.
For instance
, India is a country where most young people mature before the expected age
due to
 the guidance of their forefathers, so
this
 quality can not be taught in school.
However
, schools can educate younger to settle for a secure job but not a good parent.
In addition
,
it is clear that
 to be a good parent needs to have special qualities and personal attachment which only
parents
 have through experience.
For example
, in recent article claims that the education system has failed in the subject of teaching methods where
parents
 teach their daughters or sons how to be good
parents
 for their future perspective. In conclusion, my opinion disagrees with school teaching ideas to teach adolescent people how to be good
parents
.
Submitted by patelhardik2199 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
You need to focus on maintaining a clear position throughout the essay. Your introduction presents one side, but the body paragraphs seem to contradict your stance, causing confusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure making it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas connect seamlessly throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Your examples need to be directly relevant and well-developed. Avoid vague references like 'In recent article claims...' and try to provide concrete evidence or more developed hypothetical scenarios in support of your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: