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Band 4.5

An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #surgery #appearance #operation #change #development
It would not be wrong to say that no
one
 wants to lead a monotonous life. Every person desires some excitement, changes and spice to break the insipid routine of life. In
this
 respect, undoubtedly, cosmetic
surgery
 comes as a change in aspect. In my opinion ,
this
 is largely a positive development.
This
 essay intends to explain the reasons that can be attributed to the given statement. To embark on,
one
 of the paramount factors behind cosmetic
surgery
 tends to be the
beauty
 of own.
This
intends
Verb problem
means
show examples
 that individuals want to extend their
beauty
 with the help of doctors to boost their confidence. Probing ahead the entertainment industry needs citizens like men and women whose features are sharp and with good looks. The mounting evidence is South Korea where more than 75% of people did not get jobs because of their looks
therefore
 people prefer aesthetics.
Hence
 aesthetics is
one
 of the solutions who need to boost confidence and increase their looks. In spite of our awareness of the problem, we do little to address it. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number of negative aspects that cannot be ignored, It is obvious cosmetic
surgery
 is very expensive and it is not good for health sometimes there are many side effects. To substantiate people can improve their
beauty
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
naturally with proper diet, exercise and so on. To point out a convincing example
one
 of the famous celebrities Kate Winslet never had any cosmetic
surgery
 and she won many awards because of her
beauty
.
To conclude
, every person wants good looks and confidence in them but plastic
surgery
 is not
only
Add an article
the only
show examples
 way to resolve
this
 problem.
Although
 they can improve themselves apart from
surgery
.
Submitted by shubhashish.bobby on

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Task Achievement
In terms of Task Achievement, ensure you fully address all parts of the task by discussing reasons for the increased choice in cosmetic surgery, as well as providing a balanced viewpoint on whether this trend is positive or negative. Add more depth and detail to support your points effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, focus on creating a clearer logical structure by using coherent paragraphs and clear topic sentences to introduce each point. Connect your ideas with appropriate discourse markers, and ensure your conclusion sums up your arguments concisely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Idealized beauty standards
  • Cosmetic surgery
  • Advancements in medical technology
  • Socially acceptable
  • Self-improvement
  • Psychological well-being
  • Competitive workforce
  • Youthful appearance
  • Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)
  • Physical appearance
What to do next:
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