It is important for people to take a risk both in their professional lives and in their personal lives. Do the advantages of taking risks outweight the disadvantages?
In every person's life, there is always at least a time when they have to make
decision
based on uncertainty and there is no option other than taking a Add an article
a decision
the decision
risk
at that particular time. Therefore
, acting not by relying on solely knowledge and experience is seemingly essential for human beings during the
lifetime. As an independent thinker, I believe that Change the word
their
benefits
of Correct article usage
the benefits
risk
-taking dominates
the drawbacks of it.
On one hand, Change the verb form
dominate
risk
always serves as either victory or experience to individuals. If our prediction goes right and Add an article
the risk
completes
any action positively, Correct subject-verb agreement
complete
then
we will make the direction of success turn towards ourselves. Take, as an example, the final match of the basketball competition between two strongest teams of
the world. Time is going to come to an end and only Change preposition
in
few
seconds left. One Change the article
a few
team
is winning the game by scoring two more points than their losing opponents. The last
attack is being made by those
losing Correct determiner usage
the
team
and one player from the team
throws the ball immediately after receiving it from his teammate and he finds a way to the shit from three points-area. He not only rescues his teammates from suffering defeat but also
makes them the champion
of the world Fix the agreement mistake
champions
as well as
the shining part of basketball history. Imagine that situation never happened and that previously
winning Correct article usage
the previously
team
managed to keep the score as it was before and ultimately won the championship. In this
case, a player who gave a shot towards the net would not be punished because there was no way besides
risk
at the end
of the game. However
, his team
were still runners-up and they learned something new after the final. It was a crucial experience that teaches
us to try our best to achieve something as early as possible because starting action is better than waiting Wrong verb form
taught
the
perfect moment.
Change preposition
for the
On the other hand
, there is no warranty to succeed in a particular activity with the help of risk
even the
probability of failure can be quite higher than that of success. It can lead us to Correct word choice
if the
financially
, Change the word
financial
mentally
or Change the word
mental
physically
Change the word
physical
serious
damage. Correct word choice
apply
Therefore
, this
kind of action can be negatively approached by people. Nevertheless
, any person tries to swim in order to survive before drowning into
the water even though they genuinely know that they can not swim at all.
In Change preposition
in
conclusion
the positive aspects of Add a comma
conclusion,
risk
-taking usually outweighs
the negative ones, though it can have bad consequences.Change the verb form
outweigh
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coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction that introduces the topic and your position, a body that develops your ideas with supporting examples, and a conclusion that summarises and reasserts your viewpoint coherently, making sure there is a natural progression from one idea to the next.
task achievement
Your introduction appears to acknowledge the necessity of risk at times, but it should more clearly state your position on whether the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of your essay is somewhat disorganised and difficult to follow. Work on clear topic sentences for each paragraph that signal the main idea, and make sure each subsequent sentence expands on that idea with relevant details and examples.
task achievement
Support your main points with clear, relevant examples. While you provided an example about a basketball game, it was overly detailed and somewhat convoluted, which detracted from the overall clarity and purpose of the example pertaining to risk-taking.
task achievement
While the basketball example illustrates the idea of taking a risk, strive to include a broader range of examples from different contexts to demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and work on sentence structure to ensure clarity and precision in your writing. Avoid wordy and complex sentences that could confuse the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
