IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many large cities are facing house crisis because they cannot provide enough place for new buildings. Some local governments believe that the problem can be solved by repurposing the park land for residential development because this land is better used for houses.

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A controversial discussion point in today's society is whether the reconstruction of parks into residential
spaces
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 solves insufficient living areas for
residents
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. Personally, I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement as it generates several disadvantages in society and even citizens in some aspects.
This
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 essay will discuss the affections of
this
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 suggestion. It is undeniable that there are not enough
spaces
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 for living nowadays
due to
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 overpopulation issues occurring nowadays, so repurposing public
spaces
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 like parks seems to be an effective way to have more areas for housing purposes.
However
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, high-rise building projects or even moving to rural areas tend to benefit both citizens and communities rather than reducing parks, which affects positively society not only the residential objective but
also
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 the well-being of
residents
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.
For example
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, a condominium provides its
residents
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 sufficient security system and a countryside generates a peaceful life of living in which people can enjoy the natural and uncontaminated environment
On the other hand
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, changing public gardens into residential places affects negatively individual mental health
as a result
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 of the reduction of free
spaces
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 for extra activities on the weekend, which is almost of activities focusing on entertaining and relaxing purposes,
such
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 as
picnic
Fix the agreement mistake
picnics
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 or bicycling. It can be defined that the living standard in the city declines to an inferior level because of inadequate factors to thrive citizens' lives.
Consequently
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, people experience more stress and unproductive emotion than in the past;
thus
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, maintaining more public green
spaces
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,
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apply
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 improves people's well-being. In conclusion,
this
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 controversial problem has two sides,
however
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, those disadvantages outweigh the advantages of
this
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 approach because of the reduction in terms of health and living perspectives.
Therefore
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, the government should revise its idea into certain beneficial ways to meet the needs of
residents
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 and the prosperity of habitancies in the country.

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task achievement
You have articulated a clear position on the issue from the beginning and maintained it throughout the essay. To improve further, you could provide more specific examples and data to substantiate your arguments, which would strengthen your task response.
coherence cohesion
While your arguments are well organized, there are a few areas where the coherence can be improved. Specifically, ensure that transitions between ideas are more fluid and that each paragraph naturally leads into the next. For instance, using connectors like 'Additionally,' 'Furthermore,' or 'On the contrary' could help.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are both strong and relevant to the topic. To perfect them, you might want to briefly touch on counterarguments before concluding, if only to dismiss them, thereby showing a more thorough consideration of the topic.
introduction conclusion
Your essay features a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your discussion well.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully provided main points that are generally supported by explanations, contributing to the overall clarity of the essay.
task achievement
Your task response is complete, and you have maintained a clear position through the essay, which is excellent.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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