IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the government should provide free education at every level. However, some say that individuals should pay for their university education. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Some societies argue that
education
Use synonyms
 should be free by the
government
Use synonyms
 at all stages.
Instead
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, the others say that the
government
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 should not pay for
university
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. In my point of view, free
education
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 at every
level
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 is a good way to improve
education
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 in
this
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 country.
Furthermore
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,
education
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 in
university
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 should be free for
individuals
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 who are unable to pay for reasons of poverty. It will be discussed in
this
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 essay below.
Firstly
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,
education
Use synonyms
 is an important thing and become a vital part of the future. In fact, someone who wants to get a good job,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
must have a high
education
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.
However
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, if the
government
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 provides free
education
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 for all levels, it will help
students
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 to continue their academics.
For instance
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, a student cannot go on their academic because their parents do not have enough money.
Due to
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 the policy, they can continue their
education
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 until senior high school.
Finally
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,
this
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 policy has a good influence on
students
Use synonyms
 who want to study for the next
level
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.
Secondly
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, some
individuals
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 consider that
education
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 at
university
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 must be paid for each student.
Nevertheless
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, I suppose that the
government
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 should provide free cost or open a scholarship for
individuals
Use synonyms
 who are unable to pay for
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 of poverty.
For example
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, most people think that
students
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 who want to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in a college,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have to provide enough cost. It is not fair for
individuals
Use synonyms
 who do not have it.
Hence
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, the
government
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 should pay the fee
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 at the
university
Use synonyms
level
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 because of that reason.
To sum up
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, I totally believe that free
education
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 for each
level
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 should be implemented as soon as possible.
Furthermore
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,
students
Use synonyms
 who cannot pay the cost of
university
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 should be assisted by the
government
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. These policies will increase the
education
Use synonyms
 in
this
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 country.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines your position and the main points to be discussed. While your introduction is present, it could be more clearly defined and succinct.
logical structure
Develop clear, well-structured paragraphs, making sure each one has a central idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Your essay shows evidence of structure, but the transitions between ideas can be smoothed and signposted more clearly.
supported main points
Support your ideas with specific reasons and examples. You have made an attempt to provide examples, but more detailed and contextually relevant illustrations would enhance your arguments.
complete response
Address all parts of the task, making sure you discuss both views and your own opinion in a balanced way. While you have attempted to do so, there needs to be a clearer and more detailed examination of the opposing view for a complete response.
clear comprehensive ideas
Present a clear position throughout the response. Ensure that your ideas are relevant to the topic and are expanded upon comprehensively. You need to develop the complexity and clarity of your ideas further.
relevant specific examples
Use specific examples that are fully relevant to the prompt. They should directly support your arguments and demonstrate the points you make. Expanding on your examples with more detail would greatly benefit your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental right
  • financial barriers
  • disadvantaged backgrounds
  • socio-economic inequality
  • personal investment
  • economic burden
  • diverse academic environment
  • student debt crisis
  • academic prestige
  • national innovation
  • balanced approach
  • subsidized education
  • scholarships and grants
  • personal responsibility
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