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Band 4.5

Many students do part-time work while they are studying. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#students #work #outweigh
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There is a trend of doing
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part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
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jobs
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while
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 studying
in
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apply
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these days
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due
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apply
show examples
to cover their living costs. It can be seen that there are some advantages of doing a
job
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while
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 they are studying, those outweigh the negatives as it would help them to cover their living
expenses
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 and improve
experiences
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 in future
works
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work
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whereas
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 involving
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part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
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jobs
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 interrupt their main
focus
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 on studying is a drawback.
Students
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern society are inclined to join a
job
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while
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 they are following tertiary education to cover their living
expenses
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. Today, it can be seen that
day to day
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day-to-day
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expenses
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 on
foods
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food
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, travel,and study material prices are increasing
due to
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the
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apply
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inflation.So, sometimes, it may
difficult
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be difficult
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 to afford these
expenses
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 only by their parents.
In contrast
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 to the affordability,
students
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 tend to find
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part
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part-time
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time
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jobs
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 to support their studies.
For example
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,
Majority
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the Majority
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 of
students
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 from
western
Capitalize word
Western
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 countries find
a
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apply
show examples
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part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
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 work after just completing the age of 18.
In addition
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, generally, doing a
job
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 may
useful
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be useful
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 to get some
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experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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inline
Correct your spelling
in line
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 with their studies.
Employments
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Employment
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 would
also
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 improve their
experiences
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, personality, and communication skills which helpful to future
employments
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employment
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 as well after their studies.
For instance
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, If a student is
following
Verb problem
pursuing
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 a degree in marketing , who
find
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finds
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 a
job
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 as
an
Change the article
a
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 sales representative
while
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 studying can grab more skills like communication and verbal which may
useful
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be useful
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 to be a marketing manager in the future.
On the other hand
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 drawbacks perspective, It may
distrupt
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disrupt
 student's main
focus
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.
furthermore
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, doing a
job
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while
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 studying sometimes
add
Correct subject-verb agreement
adds
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additinal
Correct your spelling
additional
 pressure on their course because they are sometimes tied up with their
job
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 responsibilities.
In contrast
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 to the
job
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 responsibilities, they have no
time
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 to
focus
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 on their specific course which
drive
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drives
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 them
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to subjects
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subjects
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subject
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 failures.
For example
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,
Many
Fix capitalization
many
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students
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 who
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
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 foreign universities, entitle to
unsuccessful
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be unsuccessful
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on
Change preposition
in
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 their courses because of
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part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
Use synonyms
jobs
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. In conclusion, there are some
beneficts
Correct your spelling
benefits
 of finding
a
Remove the article
apply
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employment
while
Linking Words
 following courses
due to
Linking Words
find
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finding
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 extra sums of money to cover their
expenses
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 and improve their
experiences
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.
However
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, sometimes, it may lead to less
focus
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 of attention on their education.
Therefore
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,
students
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 should have a good self-
disciline
Correct your spelling
discipline
 to carry out work and study together.
Submitted by Praslah on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay shows some logical progression of ideas but occasionally lacks clear connections between them. To improve, ensure you have a clear topic sentence for each paragraph and that each idea naturally leads to the next. Use cohesive devices like despite, consequently, therefore, and however to make your argument flow better.
task achievement
You have addressed the task and presented advantages and disadvantages of working part-time while studying, but your argument would benefit from further development. Make sure to expand your main points with specific examples and explanations to support your argument. Moreover, the complexity of ideas can be enhanced; consider the varying impact of part-time work on different students, based on their courses, workload, and individual abilities.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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