the number of people are at risk at serious health problem is only because of overweight. what is the reason and how it can be solved?

It is essential to acknowledge an overweight is a
prime
Correct word choice
major
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problem
in
Change preposition
apply
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worldwide and
people
have more and more potential to be affected by severe diseases. The main reasons are unhealthy eating
habits
and an inactive lifestyle.
This
essay discusses these reasons and will explain possible solutions to solve the
problem
.
Firstly
, the obesity group is significantly increasing because of unhealthy eating patterns.
Moreover
, many
people
eat irregularly and consume large amounts of high-calorie diets.
For example
, 50% of adults in Europe with bad
habits
of eating suffer from obesity.
Secondly
, an inactive lifestyle contributes to the surge of
this
issue and a number of
people
rely on cars
instead
of walking, have fewer physical demands at work and prefer inactive leisure activities.
This
results in burning fewer calories and gaining weight. There are some possible solutions that can be taken to mitigate the
problem
. Mainly, conducting awareness programs
helpful
Add a missing verb
is helpful
show examples
to develop comprehensive knowledge among individuals regarding healthy food
habits
and possible diseases.
In addition
to that, combined
health
campaigns together to monitor
health
outcomes. As an example, Sri Lanka's
health
sector conducted
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
awareness programs and
health
screenings in the western province,
statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
show examples
revealed improvements in the selected adult obesity groups.
Moreover
, the government should allocate funds to construct infrastructure with fitness areas in public places for citizens and employers should encourage the staff to walk in the office premises
instead
of using the lifts.
Also
, often encounter facilities for maintaining their
health
status
people
are motivated without hesitations. In conclusion, nowadays the modern world rapidly growing number of obese and a rising population with related illnesses. Unhealthy eating
habits
and sedentary lifestyles are the stem of the
problem
and
health
awareness programs and facilities for fitness can rid
this
epidemic.
Submitted by ranasinghenadeeshani07 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good logical structure with clear paragraphs, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Include more cohesive devices to guide the reader through the essay seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that both the introduction and conclusion are fully developed. The introduction should clearly paraphrase the question and outline the main points. The conclusion should effectively summarize the main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, but they can be strengthened with more detailed explanations and deeper analysis. Avoid making general statements without elaborating on how they directly relate to the main argument.
task achievement
Your response addresses the task sufficiently but lacks depth in ideas and explanations. Ensure that you fully develop your argument and support it with specific details throughout the essay.
task achievement
Strive for clarity and comprehensiveness in presenting your ideas. Some arguments appear simplistic and require further elaboration or clearer expression.
task achievement
Excellent use of specific examples to support your arguments. Continue to use relevant and detailed examples to illustrate your points effectively.

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