People face far greater risks in the modern way of life than they did in the past. How far do you agree or disagree with this statement?
In the rich source of fairy tales that spread worldwide, "The Little Mermaid" is considered to be one of the best romantic stories. The story puts the context about the brave and gorgeous mermaid named Ariel, she desired to explore the upper world love day to day. One time, on her first journey to the upper land, she fell in love with Prince Eric. After that, by following her heart, she made a deal with witch Ursula to exchange her beautiful voice for a pair of legs which provided her the mobility on land.
Simple
as the trade Rephrase
As simple
maybe
, her father's authority and Correct your spelling
may be
also
her life
were endangered. Despite her mistake, Ariel saves her father and spends her life
in her true love. In my opinion, the best part of the story is the conversation between Ariel and intrigued Ursula. This
is not only an example of making decisions wisely but also
associated with the marketing rule, called:" put all your eggs in one basket" which reminds people to be more proactive, confident, and reckless in making their life
decisions. Standing on a social viewpoint, this
exerts the negative side of society that people are spending almost their life
in running the "rat race" which halts them from development and success. On balance, The Little Mermaid is a masterpiece not only in the literature but also
worth a lesson in a world full of cynicism and rivalry.Submitted by [email protected] on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks an effective logical structure - it does not follow a clear, organized progression of ideas. Additionally, there is no clear introduction and conclusion to frame your discussion about the risks people face in the modern way of life.
task achievement
The essay does not adequately address the IELTS task; it does not provide a direct response to the question of whether people face greater risks now than they did in the past. More focus on the task and a clearer position on the topic are required.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite