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Writing Samples
Band 7

Tourism is becoming a good source of revenue for many conutries. Discuss the advantages and the disadvantages of developing this industry.

#tourism #source #revenue #conutries #industry
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After the passing of the COVID-19 pandemic, tourism plays a huge role in the positive growth of the economy of a country. As I believe in
this
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 occurrence the merits outweigh the drawbacks, both are going to be discussed in
this
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 essay. Since the pandemic ended, more and more tourists have visited
another country
Fix the agreement mistake
other countries
show examples
 with the intention of travelling.
This
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 surely benefits the economic aspects of many countries. With the development in the tourism department, other than obtaining revenue, it could
also
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 be a chance to promote the culture and nature of the nation itself.
For instance
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, plenty of people take an interest in Japan, formerly because of anime. As more people get intrigued by anime and decide to go to Japan, they become familiar with the cultural heritage
as well as
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 the nature of Japan, which would be an amazing opportunity to introduce the country into the eye of the world. The drawbacks,
however
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, would be mostly on the tourists themselves. More visitors means more uncontrollable variables and unknown personalities that might not align with the culture or norms of a place. As an example, visitors in Bali are known to create an issue for not obeying the norms and rules, which would put the authorities and other people's convenience at a disadvantage. All in all, I strongly believe that developing the tourism industry would create a huge revenue and benefit to plentiful of countries nowadays.
Nevertheless
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, to lessen the disadvantages, authorities should emphasize more on the regulating policies for every visitor.
Submitted by anindyadewi58 on

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task achievement
Develop your main points further with more specific examples and detail to support your arguments. While you have introduced both the advantages and disadvantages of tourism, expanding on these ideas with real-life examples or statistics would enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by using clearer topic sentences and transitions between ideas. Your essay would benefit from a more consistent use of linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear overall opinion. However, aim to refine these paragraphs by offering a concise summary of the main advantages and disadvantages discussed within the body of the essay. This will provide stronger bookends to your overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Revenue generation
  • Job creation
  • Economic stimulus
  • Cultural heritage
  • Heritage conservation
  • Infrastructure upgrades
  • Environmental degradation
  • Cultural assimilation
  • Commodification
  • Sustainable tourism
  • Economic volatility
  • Global market fluctuations
  • Transport advancements
  • Hospitality industry
  • Public service improvement
  • Ecological footprint
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