IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to gibe longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views

#people #crime #gibe #prison #sentences #alternative
The
crime
rates
 have been increasing in many countries and raising concerns in the
government
. Many
people
 think that prolonged prison
sentences
 are the most effective way to reduce
crime
 in certain places, whilst others think there are several effective options for lowering the
crime
rates
 than extending
sentences
. I strongly agree with the latter, where there are more facilities and changes that can be made by the
government
 to reduce
crime
rates
.
This
 essay explains both views and my opinion on
this
 matter. The long duration of prison
sentences
 is one of the most common types of punishment
that is
 designed to give prisoners more time to reflect
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
 mistakes.
This
 kind of punishment often works in a certain place where
people
 will be afraid to
conduct
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 crimes.
However
,
this
 is not an efficient way because many prisons are lack of facilities to support their inmates.
Instead
, it could lead them to execute more crimes when they are released, which will be the opposite of its initial purpose. On the other side, many countries have conducted more effective ways to reduce the
crime
 rate by creating facilities and social activities for their
people
. Basic training and social activities, provided by the
government
, could tackle
this
 problem by improving social and economic aspects. One example is creating activities to cultivate their local resources where it could strengthen the economic situation, and decrease the
crime
rates
. It can be concluded that there are several ways to tackle the rising
crime
rates
 other than extending prison
sentences
. The
government
 plays an important role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 controlling the factors that affect
this
 problem, where it is more important to improve the
people
's welfare which will lessen the
posibility
Correct your spelling
possibility
 of committing crimes.
Submitted by writingielts0 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure that you develop your main points more comprehensively, giving clear and detailed explanations that directly relate to the central topic of reducing crime. This can be done through elaboration of ideas and extending the reasoning behind your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve clarity and linkage of ideas, make sure paragraphs are well-connected with cohesive devices, and topic sentences clearly state the main idea that is then further explored throughout the paragraph. This will enhance the logical flow of information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: