IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to gibe longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views

#people #crime #gibe #prison #sentences #alternative
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The
crime
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rates
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 have been increasing in many countries and raising concerns in the
government
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. Many
people
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 think that prolonged prison
sentences
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 are the most effective way to reduce
crime
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 in certain places, whilst others think there are several effective options for lowering the
crime
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rates
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 than extending
sentences
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. I strongly agree with the latter, where there are more facilities and changes that can be made by the
government
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 to reduce
crime
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rates
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.
This
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 essay explains both views and my opinion on
this
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 matter. The long duration of prison
sentences
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 is one of the most common types of punishment
that is
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 designed to give prisoners more time to reflect
their
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on their
show examples
 mistakes.
This
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 kind of punishment often works in a certain place where
people
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 will be afraid to
conduct
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 crimes.
However
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,
this
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 is not an efficient way because many prisons are lack of facilities to support their inmates.
Instead
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, it could lead them to execute more crimes when they are released, which will be the opposite of its initial purpose. On the other side, many countries have conducted more effective ways to reduce the
crime
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 rate by creating facilities and social activities for their
people
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. Basic training and social activities, provided by the
government
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, could tackle
this
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 problem by improving social and economic aspects. One example is creating activities to cultivate their local resources where it could strengthen the economic situation, and decrease the
crime
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rates
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. It can be concluded that there are several ways to tackle the rising
crime
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rates
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 other than extending prison
sentences
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. The
government
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 plays an important role
on
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in
show examples
 controlling the factors that affect
this
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 problem, where it is more important to improve the
people
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's welfare which will lessen the
posibility
Correct your spelling
possibility
 of committing crimes.
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Task Achievement
Ensure that you develop your main points more comprehensively, giving clear and detailed explanations that directly relate to the central topic of reducing crime. This can be done through elaboration of ideas and extending the reasoning behind your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve clarity and linkage of ideas, make sure paragraphs are well-connected with cohesive devices, and topic sentences clearly state the main idea that is then further explored throughout the paragraph. This will enhance the logical flow of information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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