IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some people argue that
students
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 at the University want to study different majors
while
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others
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 believe that they should
focus
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 on
one
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subject
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 for qualification. I believe that
students
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 should dedicate their time by focusing only on
one
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subject
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 to have good
qualifications
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 and have a high position in the future. On the
one
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 hand, some people believe that
students
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 want to learn different subjects to have knowledge about them all. Studying different majors gives them knowledge and makes them more experienced which provides them with chances to be employed in different sectors after their graduation.
For example
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, graduates who studied Chemistry and Healthcare majors in Saudi Arabia can work at both hospitals and schools.
However
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, I believe that it hinders the
students
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'
focus
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 on specific fields to have high
qualifications
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 .
On the other hand
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, some individuals believe that
students
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 should
focus
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 on studying only
one
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subject
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 to have good grades in it. When college
students
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 learn only
one
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 major with a good
focus
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, helps them to learn the
subject
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 properly and allows them to complete their higher education and get grades that give them the priority to be employed over
others
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 who study more than
one
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subject
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.
For instance
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, in Aramco Company,
students
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 who majored in
one
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 field with a higher GPA and have their Master's and PhD
qualifications
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 have the priority to be employed with a higher salary than
others
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.
Therefore
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, studying
one
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subject
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 with a great
focus
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 allows them to have higher positions and money. In conclusion,
although
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 different subjects give people experience more and have many chances to work in different fields,
others
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 believe that they should study only
one
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subject
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 to have good grades and
qualifications
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 which I agree with because it gives them the chance to have a high salary and position in life.

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coherence
To enhance your logical structure, consider linking your ideas more explicitly. Use transitional phrases to connect paragraphs and reinforce the relationship between your arguments.
task achievement
Strengthen your examples by providing more details or context. This can help in making your arguments more persuasive and relatable.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and effectively discusses both sides of the argument, which is a strong point in task achievement.
task achievement
The use of examples, like those from Saudi Arabia and Aramco Company, enriches your arguments and adds credibility to your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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