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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010.

The chart shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010.
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The bar chart displays the percentile of the genders of
teachers
Use synonyms
 in six different kinds of educational levels in the UK in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the higher the education setting, the lower the percentage of
women
Use synonyms
teachers
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, the percentage of men
teachers
Use synonyms
 in early
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 ignorable
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared to
show examples
women
Use synonyms
. The highest
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
teachers
Use synonyms
Add the comma(s)
, as well as the largest gap between male and female teachers,
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 the largest gap between male and female
teachers
Use synonyms
 had been in Nursery/
pre-school
Correct your spelling
preschool
show examples
 with more than 95 and respectively, the lowest
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of men
teachers
Use synonyms
 are in
this
Linking Words
 category with less than 5. The data for primary school were roughly the same as pre-school. In secondary school,
women
Use synonyms
teachers
Use synonyms
 were slightly more than men.
However
Linking Words
, in college, they reached an equal
percentile
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
. In private training
institute
Fix the agreement mistake
institutes
show examples
 and
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
, there were more male
teachers
Use synonyms
 than female ones. In the former, the
Use synonyms
teachers
Change to a genitive case
teacher's
teachers'
show examples
 percentage reached
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around 60 for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and 40 for
femal
Correct your spelling
female
females
.
Also
Linking Words
, in the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
, it peaked for male
teachers
Use synonyms
 of around 70 and 30 for female.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words teachers, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational settings
  • percentage
  • representation
  • disparities
  • predominance
  • gender imbalance
  • societal expectations
  • historical roles
  • implications
  • trends
  • gender gap
  • educational outcomes
  • gender stereotypes
  • policies
  • initiatives
  • perceptions
  • effectiveness
  • primary school
  • secondary school
  • nursery
  • university
  • further education
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