IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

The diagram details the process of making smoked fish.

#process #fish
In the presented diagram, the packing of smoked
fish
 into containers as a manufacturing process is displayed.
Overall
,
according to
 the provided breakdown of
this
 process, smoked
fish
 can be accomplished in 13 steps. The first of these takes place in a port
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the result of which is the shop of the finished product from a warehouse. At the start of the process, fishermen provide the
fish
 from the ocean and transport them to the port.
This
 is followed by putting the
fish
 into a freezer, thawing them to wash in the water, and
then
 cutting them with a knife.
Moreover
,
then
 put the
fish
 in the salt water and colouring, to make it yellow. In the stage
after
this
, the smoked
fish
 are packed, square shape boxes are used.
Additionally
, the package is frozen
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 temperature of 0 degrees, after which,
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 loaded in the truck and distributed and delivered to the
fish
 shop
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it ready to sell.
Submitted by mynonames on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay seems to lack a clear and logical structure, which can make it difficult for the reader to follow the sequence of steps in the fish smoking process. It is important to order the information in a way that mirrors the actual progression of the process.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are either very minimal or missing in your essay. An effective essay should present a short overview in the beginning and a summary or conclusion at the end to provide a clear frame for the reader.
coherence cohesion
There was an attempt to support the main points with details, but the support seems inadequate. Each step described could benefit from more specific descriptions and clearer explanations to add depth to your essay.
task achievement
You have responded to the task, but the response is incomplete and certain aspects of the process could be elaborated upon further for a higher score. Make sure to cover all parts of the process as detailed in the diagram. Missing out on crucial steps can cost marks.
task achievement
Some ideas in the essay lack clarity and comprehensiveness. To improve your score, ensure that each step is clearly described and explained. Use connectors appropriately to enhance the flow of information.
task achievement
While you included a few specific examples or step details, they could be made more relevant and detailed. Providing an exact explanation of each part of the process will give a fuller understanding of the process as a whole.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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