Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Today, it is argued that a lot of
people
choose using
traditional Change the verb form
to use
medicines
and treatments when they have health
problems rather than going to local
hospital. Add an article
a local
the local
This
essay will explain negative
impact of Add an article
the negative
this
statement.
As modern people
who live surrounded by a number of advance
technologies, Replace the word
advanced
such
as instant food, people
are easy to have serious
problem of Add an article
a serious
health
. Cancer is one of them. This
Correct determiner usage
These
health
problems have different states as well as
its
kind. The only way to know it Correct pronoun usage
their
by
going to Add a missing verb
is by
hospital
, and Add an article
the hospital
a hospital
communicate
with Wrong verb form
communicating
cancer
professional Correct article usage
a cancer
doctor
. By doing this
, the patient can treat their sickness with an appropriate treatment and medicine.
After knowing your sickness, you should consume good medicines
to recover. When people
check their health
condition at hospital
, Add an article
a hospital
the hospital
doctor
will give Add an article
the doctor
a doctor
instruction
about how many times Fix the agreement mistake
instructions
patient
Correct article usage
the patient
drink
Correct subject-verb agreement
drinks
medicines
at home. If they are still sick, they can visit same
hospital and check their problem. Every hospital has Change the article
the same
advance
Replace the word
advanced
health
technology which can examine various disease
. Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
Moreover
, it is cheaper now to have health
consultation
with Fix the agreement mistake
consultations
doctor
. Add an article
a doctor
the doctor
People
just to make their health
insurance that have
prepared by Wrong verb form
has been
government
, Add an article
the government
for
instance
BPJS.
Add the comma(s)
instance,
To conclude
, it is true that a number of people
nowadays tend to cure their sickness body by consuming traditional medicines
as well as
the
treatment. Correct article usage
apply
However
, it is cheaper for people
if they go to local
hospital by using their government insurance. They Add an article
a local
are
not only Verb problem
will
knowing
their Wrong verb form
know
health
conditions but also
will get free good medicines
. Additionally
, they also
will have free communication with doctor
.Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve your essay's coherence and cohesion, ensure a clear logical progression of ideas throughout your text. Use linking words effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs smoothly. Pay attention to the overall flow of the essay to enhance readability and ensure your introduction and conclusion are more clearly defined, adding to the overall cohesion of your work.
Task Achievement
Regarding task achievement, your essay does need to address the prompt more fully to express a clear position throughout the response. While you have covered aspects of the topic concerning health care and the use of traditional medicine, the argument does not thoroughly explore both sides as the prompt suggests. Additionally, provide more relevant, specific examples to back up your points and ensure that every main point is elaborately discussed to strengthen your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
