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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

With a growing population, many people believe that we should focus on producing more GM foods. What are the advantages and disadvantages of doing this?

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Society believes that they need more artificial
ingredients
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 as their size grows. On the positive side of utilizing artificial
ingredients
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, their productivity rate leads to reaching all people. On the negative side, they could cause increasing types and sources of various sicknesses. Genetically modified cuisine elements have a wealth of benefits mainly because it is accessible to all
citizens
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.
However
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, people doubt whether these artificial items could reach all societies’ economic states. Though artificial food seems pricey for poverty, the truth is its production is very practical, meaning that there are plenty of them available for
citizens
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. Granted that access to
citizens
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,
not to mention
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 the high amount of them being produced makes their prices cheaper than the other types of cuisine.
For instance
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, if we compare the cuisines with rare components
such
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 as caviar, with the common ones
such
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 as chicken eggs, those cuisines have higher prices.
This
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 statement is proven
further
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 by the scientists' prediction that modifying crops genetically increases 18% of the production rate based on their studies of artificial crops in 2015. The increased quantity,
coupled with
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 the cheaper price, is making them accessible to all economic states among
citizens
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.
While
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 genetically modified cuisines could reach many, most of them could cause serious illness, making their quality being questioned by many
citizens
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.
Moreover
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, the disputed safety of
such
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 important aspects of humans could potentially lead to dangerous side effects.
This
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 could potentially lead to the cause of various diseases
such
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 as cancer and brain damage, occurring among
citizens
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. Research conducted by the World Health Organization in 2011 states that most artificial foods that
citizens
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 consume could increase 20% chance of getting cancer. They
also
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 concluded that 50% of new diseases are related to the increased usage of genetically modified
ingredients
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 that were found in people’s daily food. With
this
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 in mind,
this
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 proves that the quality of artificial
ingredients
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 is questionable for daily consumption. In general, the enormous quantity of genetically modified
ingredients
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 can reduce hunger problems as they can be found anytime.
On the other hand
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, the drawback of using
that is
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 it can make people suffer various types of fatal diseases.

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task achievement
You could enhance your task response by addressing counterarguments and elaborating more on the implications of both advantages and disadvantages. This approach will show deeper analysis and understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly and logically to the next. Ensure that your ideas are organized clearly, and use more signal words to guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Your essay covers both advantages and disadvantages of GM foods quite comprehensively, which indicates a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, and your essay is structured logically with clear points supporting each argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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