In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
There is no denying the fact that health and weight are
inter-linked
. These days, obesity is alarmingly becoming Correct your spelling
interlinked
one
of the substantial concerns across the world, leading to an unhealthy lifestyle all around. In this
essay, I will be highlighting some of the factors related to being overweight and some ways through which this
issue can be tackled.
Seemingly, there are plenty of reasons behind people
becoming a victim of obesity. To begin
with, the rise in private vehicle purchase
has discouraged Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
people
, to a large extent, from walking, whether to work, for shopping, or vacations. Second,
there are only a handful of people
who might be involved in exercising daily to burn extra calories. Moreover
, the increasing consumption of junk food items has substantially contributed to calorie increase among people
. For instance
, one
of the
friends, in his late 20s, evaded exercising and healthy food for a longer time. Change the word
my
As a result
, he is now way beyond his ideal weight and has started developing heart issues at such
a young age.
Modifications and alterations in sedentary
lifestyle Correct article usage
a sedentary
along with
adequate
diet can surely help address Correct article usage
an adequate
such
an issue to a great extent. To put it in simple words, consumption and intake of calories should be as per the requirements of the body by keeping the height-weight ratio and age in mind. Also
, one
should take a balanced diet, one
that is
comprehensive and contains the right amount of minerals, vitamins, carbohydrates, and fats. In addition
to this
, exercising should also
be an inevitable part of our daily lives, and this
habit should be implemented in everybody, regardless of age. People
should also
be motivated to give up on their sedentary habits and lead an active life by going to the gym, jogging, running, walking and more.
I would like to conclude
that inadequate food habits and non-active lifestyles are the real contributors to rising obesity. And, these can be dealt with attentively by calorie and meal planning.Submitted by ieltswriting91 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
While the essay includes an introduction and conclusion, both could be enhanced by more clearly defining the thesis and summarizing the main points more effectively. This strengthens the overall clarity of the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Providing clear main points is crucial, but these must be expanded upon with well-supported explanations and examples. Greater detail and depth in the supporting sentences will enhance the quality of the essay and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
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Your response addresses the task adequately, providing a clear position on the causes and solutions to the issue. However, every point touched upon should be fully developed and linked back to the main question to ensure a complete response.
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Task Achievement
Use of relevant, specific examples is good, yet strive to incorporate a wider variety of detailed instances. This will illustrate a broader understanding and reinforce the validity of your points more convincingly.