IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

As computers and technology develop, they can be used to teach children and teachers won’t be necessary soon. Do you agree or disagree?

#computers #technology #children #teachers #won’t
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It is true that as
computers
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 and technology develop , they can be used to teach children and teachers will not be necessary soon .
While
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 some
people
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 tend towards the viewpoint ,
computers
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 and technology develop ,around the world . I would have to support the idea that some robots are developed in
this
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 life . On the one hand , there are clear arguments , that
computers
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 are modern
things
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 all over the world . One of the main reasons is that nowadays , all students , bankers, and pupils use
computers
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 or laptops so ,it is useful
things
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 for
people
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 .
This
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 means they are addicted to learning some kind of subject or information to try their best jobs to chase dream occupations. In fact , striving for something means working hard to achieve it .Humans find
technologies
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 getting interested in
computers
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 . In fact , the government need to discuss
computer
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 problems seriously as soon as possible ,personal development and future ambitions.
For example
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 , pupils spend a lot of time on a wide range of
computer
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 programs and enjoy all the
things
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 .It is obvious, that there are different types of robot
technologies
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 in our lives. First and foremost importantly, it is very comfortable for
people
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 .
This
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 is because
people
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 are creating and enjoying it . Robots are excellent and at the time they work and clean the house . There are some negatives which should be taken into consideration .
Additionally
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 , if the
computer
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 system breaks down , it will be bad for study . First of all, broken robots will show fake information and that will be dangerous to
people
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's behaviour. A
computer
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 does not think like a person .
On the other hand
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 , l disagree with the viewpoint, that some
people
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 are keen on playing
computer
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 video games . It is very bad for
people
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's health problems .
Firstly
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 , l believe ,there are eye issues and different types of illness.
To sum up
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 ,it seems to me that
technologies
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 are developing for younger generations and learning new
things
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 .
For
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this
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 reason , l am convinced ,youths will use all
technologies
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 in their future life
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay partially addresses the topic, but the response is underdeveloped and lacks clear, comprehensive points. Use the task as a guide and ensure each paragraph presents one clear idea related to the question.
Coherence & Cohesion
You should organize your ideas more logically and make sure they are connected effectively. Paragraphing needs to be clearer, and cohesive devices should be used appropriately to aid in the coherence and logical flow.
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