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Writing Samples
Band 5

For many people, profession is the lifelong commitment. They start their carrier in one profession and stick to it through their life. For some others, there is no need to stick to one carrier or one profession. They even pursue multiple carriers at once. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #profession #commitment #carrier #life #carriers
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Some people believe that sticking to one job is more suitable for them.
However
Linking Words
, others assert that your major can be variable so you do not have to pursue the same profession throughout your life. As it can be easily seen that our society members often face these problems, we need to discuss both views.
Firstly
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, a group who is willing to focus on a particular field is more likely to get advanced skills and high-quality knowledge with their job.
For example
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, the prestigious soccer players
such
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 as Son or Messi, all
of
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apply
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them
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apply
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showed strong desire and endless efforts to their goal which is soccer during their training period. Eventually, they ended up being an athlete with the most fame, income and attention.
This
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 case indicates if people put their efforts into the same major, they might see
the
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apply
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significant results.
Secondly
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, there are some communities with diverse jobs, learning new techniques every day.
According to
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 them, getting an education in different fields would bring you more sources of income and more job opportunities.
For instance
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, some of the K-pop celebrities,
they
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apply
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perform not only dancing and singing but
also
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learning
Wrong verb form
learn
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 acting skills so that they can be a actor as well, as they are highly passionate about revealing their talents in various fields.
Moreover
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, having
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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multiple jobs could be the way of getting out of a repeated work life cycle if you are exhausted
of
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from
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 doing the same thing daily.
Therefore
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, it is important to not afraid
of
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to
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 challenge yourself to learn new things, at the same time, showing your passion for a specific thing that you are craving is essential as well.
Submitted by ccllooyy on

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coherence cohesion
Your structure needs clearer segmentation and linkage between ideas. Try using more cohesive devices to effectively transition from one idea to another.
coherence cohesion
Introduction needs a clear thesis statement, outlining the points you'll discuss. Your conclusion should summarize your viewpoint.
task achievement
To earn a higher score in task achievement, ensure that your body paragraphs fully develop each view with a balance of ideas and examples. Your personal opinion should be distinct and well supported.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Lifelong commitment
  • Start their career
  • Stick to
  • Multiple careers
  • Job security
  • Stability
  • Expertise
  • Specialization
  • Career progression
  • Exploration
  • Variety
  • Flexibility
  • Adaptability
  • Enhanced skills and knowledge
  • Balanced approach
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