In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say that an aging population creates problems for governments. other people think that there are benefits if society has more elderly. To what extent do the advantages of having ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction

In contemporary society, the problem raised by the increasing number of

elders

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has been a topic of interest to the masses. Some individuals champion that the elderly population enhance the burden on

governments

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while

Linking Words

a significant number of others posit that ageing does communities any favours.

Although

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I do acknowledge that both sides have their merit, I am inclined to support that having more ageing in

Remove the article

apply

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society has more advantages, as I believe the elderly bring more benefits than problems.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand, there is little doubt that when people get older,

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the

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problem

such

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as suffering from chronic diseases is only a matter of time. Homelessness, starvation and so on are

also

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emergent issues for

governments

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to deal with. These instances elaborate that

governments

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need to spend a considerable number of budgets on health insurance, food supplements or even enough pensions to maintain their standard life. It is

therefore

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reasonable that people pointed out that increasing the older population would decrease the efficiency of

governments

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Body paragraph 2

On the other hand

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, the aforementioned perspectives overlook that

elders

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are vivid life teaching textbooks which have unlimited databases, their real-life experiences are priceless treasures to adolescents.

For example

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, there are numerous YouTube videos in which creators ask ageings to give some dreams which they regret that they did not attempt to do. Those short videos can convey a precise idea to teenagers that endeavours are the first step to becoming successful and not regret it in the future.

Such

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examples challenge the initial assertion and suggest that

elders

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' intelligence and experiences have a significant role to play in teaching adolescents and improving societies.

Conclusion

In conclusion, reflecting these perspectives

while

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older people request more help from

governments

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, their life stories do more favours to the community.

Therefore

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, my allegiance that if there are more

elders

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, the community can gain more benefits is steadfastly consolidated and remains incontrovertibly firm.

jasmine2001tw

Jan 7, 2024

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coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but there is room for improvement in presenting a more cohesive argument by linking ideas and paragraphs more logically. Use a variety of cohesive devices to better connect sentences and paragraphs, and ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next.

task achievement

The response is quite complete, but the essay would benefit from a more nuanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages. Also, ensure the response directly addresses the extent to which the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, as this directly pertains to the task question. Expand on points with more depth and analysis to enhance clarity and provide a more comprehensive overview of the topic.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

315 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

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