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Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatmens instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatmens #doctor #development
Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying
alternative
medicines
 and
treatmens
Correct your spelling
treatments
treatment
instead
 of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think
this
 is a positive or a negative development? Some different ways of treatment
methods
 and pills are preferred by numerous
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
 as an upward trend rather than visiting medical
doctors
 in these days.
This
 essay will consider
this
 statement as a negative issue. Because we should believe in scientific
methods
 and it is risky to change treatment
methods
 for our health. I strongly believe that scientific
methods
 provide us with the best solutions for illnesses.
Doctors
 are going through different stages of education to become a qualified person.
In addition
, both pharmacies and chemical staff do lots of experiments
while
 they’re creating a new medical medicine.
And these
Correct word choice
These
show examples
medicines
 are applied to subjects
such
 as animals and human beings before it is launched for healthcare.
For example
, a psychiatric pill called Xanax was used by thousands of people, but it is forbidden for now because it ended up with different side effects. A second reason why I think that we shouldn’t choose
alternative
 treatments is they may be risky
use
Fix the infinitive
to use
show examples
. Medical treatments and
medicines
 are given step by step by
doctors
 to the client’s condition.
Alternative
methods
 are not controllable and have great risks
such
 as losing so much weight, injuring an organ, and even death.
For instance
, a person who wanted to be thinner than she was tried an herbal tea produced by not a medical company. Afterwards, she died just because of drinking
this
 tea. In my opinion, people must go to hospitals and use the
medicines
 which were prescribed by their
doctors
 and must not be altered by non-medical ones. Because
alternative
 ways are not testable and
threatening
Wrong verb form
threaten
show examples
 human lives.
Submitted by busrasenturk1 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the following sentences support that idea adequately.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating more logical and smooth transitions between the sentences and the paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points more fully with detailed, relevant examples.
task achievement
Provide a more balanced discussion by addressing both sides of the issue, even if your opinion is clear.
task achievement
Use a wider range of sentence structures for clarity and to demonstrate your language skills.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are relevant and directly support your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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