Having more international sporting events may promote world peace. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement.
Sports
play a pivotal role across the globe. Some express that conducting international sports
events
may stimulate world
unity
. I completely agree with this
statement because it encourages to nations
interact with one
another and it allows people
from all over the world
to share a common interest. This
essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To commence with, global sports
tournaments may promote world
peace
because it
Correct pronoun usage
they
encourages
to Correct subject-verb agreement
encourage
nations
interact with one
another. This
means politicians usually attend these kinds of events
, this
is an appropriate chance to discuss and overcome if they have any disputes and issues. For example
, the Olympic Games are conducted five-year
ones in various Correct word choice
in five
nations
while
the host nation has to interact with another country along with
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
maintain
harmonious relationships so that Wrong verb form
maintaining
world
peace
and unity
are happened
Verb problem
apply
naturally
. Change the word
natural
Therefore
, international sports
tournaments may encourage world
unity
.
Furthermore
, global sports
events
may assist world
peace
because it
allow Correct pronoun usage
they
people
from all over the world
to share a common interest. To clarify, people
are often afraid of those who are different, but attending these kinds of leagues they have to see others' similarities and it creates a chance to close them. For instance
, FIFA football leagues attract people
together under in
Change preposition
apply
one
roof who have similar interests while
they have a chance to make relationships and close
to others, and Add a missing verb
be close
as a result
, world
peace
is prevented. Hence
, international sports
events
may stimulate global peace
.
To conclude
, global sports
may promote world
unity
because it encourages to nations
interact with one
another and it allows people
from all over the world
to share a common interest. Therefore
, I strongly agree with
that international Change preposition
apply
sports
leagues may encourage world
peace
and I hope this
drives more benefits among nations
.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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task achievement
While the essay presents a clear position and supports it throughout, some examples provided are not fully developed or specific enough. A higher grade could be achieved by utilizing more detailed and illustrative examples to effectively back up the main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates reasonable coherence and cohesion with an introduction and conclusion, as well as paragraphs for each main point. However, some transitions between points could be smoother and more logical. More varied sentence structures and transitional phrases would further enhance cohesion between ideas and paragraphs.