In many countries, old people are valued by the government while others think that they should consider the young. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In
this
day and age, whether old or young generations should be valued is now a debatable point. The writer, Linking Words
however
, contends that the young generation is far more crucial Linking Words
due to
their creativity and their ability to catch up with the latest technological advancements Linking Words
while
some believe that the old one can bring valuable knowledge.
It must be acknowledged that the young are creative. Linking Words
That is
to say, they always find any aspects of their lives Linking Words
such
as their financial background or even themselves are inadequate and outdated and have to be renovated. Linking Words
This
leads to the fact that young citizens often come up with new ideas that bring alterations that benefit themselves or even other individuals. Linking Words
As a consequence
, if governments pay more attention to these newbies, it will act as an incentive for them to bring about new approaches to Linking Words
such
problematic issues in the economy or education.
Some sceptics, Linking Words
nevertheless
, justify that senior individuals can entail valuable insights. To be more specific, they have achieved and experienced numerous obstacles in their lives and they, apparently, will be extremely careful when making a decision. Linking Words
This
advantage, Linking Words
therefore
, can make sure that the least risks are likely to happen when considering imperative problems in finance and society. Linking Words
This
point is credible, Linking Words
nonetheless
, it must be understood that these seniors are Linking Words
also
the young in the past, they learned from various problems throughout their lives, which transformed them into experienced individuals, so as the young now, they should go and challenge themselves in order to become an experienced people like the older.
Linking Words
This
is the point of the writer that governments should take the young into consideration Linking Words
due to
their capabilities to deal with technology. Specifically, it is more beneficial for the young to operate numerous smart devices Linking Words
such
as robots which are the symbols of the world nowadays. Linking Words
In contrast
, older people may find it difficult to approach new things, especially in technology owing to their complexity. Linking Words
As a result
, the younger can positively take charge of the operation of today's movements so that they can not be the person behind the loops. Take Singapore as a prime example where the young now dominate the workspace relating to technology.
Linking Words
To conclude
, it is far more advantageous for communities to value young people thanks to their creativity and adaptability compared to the valuable insights of the older. Linking Words
Hence
, the essay should have shown that authorities should pay more attention to young adultsLinking Words
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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task achievement
The essay does an excellent job of addressing both sides of the argument and provides a clear opinion. However, there are minor issues with phrasing and clarity in some parts. Make sure each sentence is easy to understand at first read.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, the essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs. Nonetheless, some transitional phrases could be used more effectively to guide the reader smoothly from one point to another.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples and elaborating on them to make your points more compelling. For instance, when discussing the creativity of young people, you could mention specific innovations or developments led by young individuals in technology or business.
task achievement
The essay is well-organized and effectively addresses both perspectives while providing a clear stance.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and summarize the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay makes good use of logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?