Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

#people #life #money

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Being

wealth

Replace the word

wealthy

show examples

is an important aspect

for

Change preposition

show examples

human

life

Use synonyms

and

also

Linking Words

being happy is

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

essential for human

life

Use synonyms

. In

this

Linking Words

materialised world, being happy is a tough role for humans. There are some other factors that

people

Use synonyms

ignore

Change preposition

show examples

a happy lifestyle factors

such

Linking Words

difficult

Correct article usage

a difficult

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struggled

Wrong verb form

struggling

show examples

lifestyle. In

Correct article usage

the next

show examples

paragraph

Add a comma

paragraph,

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I am going to explain about lifestyle that

healthier

Add a missing verb

is healthier

show examples

and

wealth

Replace the word

wealthy

show examples

to humans. Having

Change the article

show examples

more amount in bank balance

makes

Verb problem

gives

show examples

people

Use synonyms

pleasure. Because they can use

this

Linking Words

money

Use synonyms

to buy their dreams and acquire more and more possessions for their

satisfaction

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

People

Use synonyms

love to purchase

things

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that

Linking Words

Change the verb form

are

show examples

making more enjoyable. And

also

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

like to spend more

money

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to purchase new

things

Use synonyms

to be happy. The purchase

things

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are more expensive

that

Correct word choice

than

show examples

are branded materials

such

Linking Words

as shoes,

belt

Fix the agreement mistake

belts

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etc

Replace the punctuation

...

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Other than obtaining materials by spending

money

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, there are many other ways

people

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can be happy in their

Use synonyms

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

Satisfaction

Use synonyms

is an essential attitude to be happy in their

life

Use synonyms

than

Rephrase

rather than

show examples

having more

money

Use synonyms

and

ready

Add a missing verb

being ready

show examples

to pay

money

Use synonyms

for expensive

things

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, a recent study on 100 employees observed that the spending salary for good and required

things

Use synonyms

said about their

satisfaction

Use synonyms

in their happiness. They are happy at work and happy at home.

This

Linking Words

example clears us that there are other factors that can

also

Linking Words

be the reason to be happy other than wealth. To

concluded

Change the form of the verb

conclude

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

this

Linking Words

money

Use synonyms

can buy

things

Use synonyms

what

Correct word choice

that

show examples

we like in

Remove the article

apply

show examples

life

Use synonyms

and

also

Linking Words

satisfaction

Use synonyms

is an important factor

to live

Change preposition

in living

show examples

life

Use synonyms

happily.

Submitted by insighttribez on Mon Jan 08 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction

Your essay lacks a clear introduction that defines the topic and outlines what the essay will discuss. The introduction should set the stage for the reader and establish the key themes of the essay.

Conclusion

There's an absence of a conclusion that clearly summarizes the main points and your standpoint. A conclusion is crucial in reinforcing the argument and giving the essay a sense of completeness.

Logical Structure

The essay requires a logical structure which is currently not very apparent. Aim for a clear progression of ideas with well-structured paragraphs each focusing on a single main idea, supported by relevant examples or explanations.

Coherence

Improve coherence by linking ideas and paragraphs smoothly. Transitions and cohesive devices should be used to show the relationship between ideas clearly.

Comprehensive Ideas

While addressing the two parts of the prompt, your essay falls short of developing comprehensive ideas. Both the role of money in achieving happiness and alternative sources of happiness need to be explored more deeply.

Relevant Examples

The use of relevant and specific examples is essential in supporting your main points. The examples provided are too general and lack sufficient detail to be persuasive.

Task Response

Your essay should provide a complete response to the prompt. Ensure that all parts of the question are addressed and that your position is clear throughout.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

256 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Financial security
Basic needs
Comfort
Luxury
Freedom
Altruistic
Philanthropy
Nurturing relationships
Fulfillment
Sense of accomplishment
Physical well-being
Spiritual beliefs
Community involvement
Gratitude
Mindfulness
Simple pleasures

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Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Your opinion

people think that the government should ban dangerous sports.Others say that the society should be allowed to freely participate in any

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialise with others. This can lead to a number of dangerous situations which can be threatening for children. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision.