Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?
Being
wealth
is an important aspect Replace the word
wealthy
for
human Change preposition
of
life
and also
being happy is an
essential for human Correct article usage
apply
life
. In this
materialised world, being happy is a tough role for humans. There are some other factors that people
ignore to
a happy lifestyle factors Change preposition
in
such
as difficult
or Correct article usage
a difficult
struggled
lifestyle. In Wrong verb form
struggling
next
Correct article usage
the next
paragraph
I am going to explain about lifestyle that Add a comma
paragraph,
healthier
and Add a missing verb
is healthier
wealth
to humans.
Having Replace the word
wealthy
an
more amount in bank balance Change the article
a
makes
Verb problem
gives
people
pleasure. Because they can use this
money
to buy their dreams and acquire more and more possessions for their satisfaction
. For example
,People
love to purchase things
that
is
making more enjoyable. And Change the verb form
are
also
people
like to spend more money
to purchase new things
to be happy. The purchase things
are more expensive that
are branded materials Correct word choice
than
such
as shoes,belt
etcFix the agreement mistake
belts
..
Other than obtaining materials by spending Replace the punctuation
.
...
money
, there are many other ways people
can be happy in their life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Satisfaction
is an essential attitude to be happy in their life
than
having more Rephrase
rather than
money
and ready
to pay Add a missing verb
being ready
money
for expensive things
. For example
, a recent study on 100 employees observed that the spending salary for good and required things
said about their satisfaction
in their happiness. They are happy at work and happy at home. This
example clears us that there are other factors that can also
be the reason to be happy other than wealth.
To concluded
Change the form of the verb
conclude
Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
, money
can buy things
what
we like in Correct word choice
that
a
Remove the article
apply
life
and also
satisfaction
is an important factor to live
Change preposition
in living
life
happily.Submitted by insighttribez on
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Introduction
Your essay lacks a clear introduction that defines the topic and outlines what the essay will discuss. The introduction should set the stage for the reader and establish the key themes of the essay.
Conclusion
There's an absence of a conclusion that clearly summarizes the main points and your standpoint. A conclusion is crucial in reinforcing the argument and giving the essay a sense of completeness.
Logical Structure
The essay requires a logical structure which is currently not very apparent. Aim for a clear progression of ideas with well-structured paragraphs each focusing on a single main idea, supported by relevant examples or explanations.
Coherence
Improve coherence by linking ideas and paragraphs smoothly. Transitions and cohesive devices should be used to show the relationship between ideas clearly.
Comprehensive Ideas
While addressing the two parts of the prompt, your essay falls short of developing comprehensive ideas. Both the role of money in achieving happiness and alternative sources of happiness need to be explored more deeply.
Relevant Examples
The use of relevant and specific examples is essential in supporting your main points. The examples provided are too general and lack sufficient detail to be persuasive.
Task Response
Your essay should provide a complete response to the prompt. Ensure that all parts of the question are addressed and that your position is clear throughout.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?