IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

lt is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some believe that everybody should save money to ensure their future, and young individuals as well.
Although
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 saving in the long term is crucial to ensure retirement or children’s education, I totally agree that young people should start to save and economise soon. People between the ages of 18 to 30 should prioritise their spending on elements
such
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 as discovery and leisure. These individuals are not submerged by responsibilities and other elements as parenting, which is why the priority should be to spend what is earned on travelling, outings and hobbies.
For instance
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, Steve Blacksmith, a renowned businessman of 19, has actually stayed a significant amount of time in India,
due to
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 his interest in Buddhism in his early years. It proves that he decided to use his money to travel from America to India to pursue his interests and to enjoy life. The lack of experience of younger generations tends to be followed by low salaries, undermining the importance of spending it on developing themselves. The younger generation mostly has low salaries, meaning that saving for distant times to come is useless since it is not much compared to future salaries that will enable individuals to save much more.
That is
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 why, for them, it is better to spend on projects, education to learn and experiment with life, to make their own conclusions.
For example
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, during a business conference, John McAndreson, a 20-year-old CEO, said that before actually getting successful, he used to spend everything he got. He used to fund business projects and participate in events to learn about how others did to be successful.
To conclude
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, economising in the long term is useful for ensuring a relatively secure future;
however
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, I strongly agree that young people should not spend their money to enjoy life and to flourish in work and in their interests.

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task response
Your view is clear, but the essay mixes saving and spending. Make one main idea for youth and back it with facts.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words. Use clear linking words like 'First', 'Then', 'Finally' to show how ideas fit.
grammar
Some sentences are long or have mistakes. Use short sentences and check grammar and punctuation.
content
Examples feel made up here. Use real facts or speak in general terms about many people.
lexis
Use easy vocab. Avoid hard or rare words.
stance
Your stance on saving is clear.
structure
The essay is on the right topic and has good length.
evidence
Examples are used to back your view.
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