Some people think that it is a good idea to socialise work colleagues during evenings and weekends.other people think its important to keep working life competely seprate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your owb opinion
Socializing with other working members is a complicated subject.
Although
it seems a simple arbitrary choice, but
it could affect many other Remove the conjunction
apply
work
criteria. Those who agree with socializing emphasis
Replace the word
emphasise
on
some positive points like an intimate and friendly Change preposition
apply
work
atmosphere, while
opponents could mention some disputes and personal life
issues which may have negative impacts in
Change preposition
on
work
life
.
In most countries, majority
of people spend Correct article usage
the majority
their
best time of the day in their Change the word
the
work places
. A pleasant working environment is one of the most Correct your spelling
workplaces
achievements
for each company. So if Correct word choice
important achievements
staffs
could behave in a friendly way and get connected to each other, they will enjoy their job more and probably it will boost their performance. Fix the agreement mistake
staff
Bye
socializing Correct your spelling
By
out
of Change preposition
outside
work place
, Correct your spelling
workplace
colleagues
could get closer and intimate
and through that they could understand each other better and may avoid conflicts. Possibly people who know each other as friends try to talk about their disputes and Correct quantifier usage
more intimate
instead
of formal behavior on conflicted subjects they try to help each other and find solutions.
On the other hand
, there are some individuals who could not
handle the delicate tips of separating Wrong verb form
cannot
life
issues from work
matters. Unfortunately
if a person is not able to distinguish Add a comma
Unfortunately,
life
relations with
Change preposition
from
work
relations it would causes
certain drawbacks in both arenas. Wrong verb form
cause
For instance
, these kind
of persons may expect their Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
colleagues
to do some of their duties or support them in any failure and any mistake that occurred
through their irresponsibilities. Wrong verb form
occurs
Also
there are other groups who can’t get Add a comma
Also,
releaved
from Correct your spelling
released
relieved
work
problems because they talk about those work
disorders with colleagues
unwillingly and even during their free times
, Fix the agreement mistake
time
therefore
they lose the opportunity of getting involve
in another subject and forgetting their profession difficulties .
Change the form of the verb
involved
To conclude
, in my view, because people devote their best time to their job, working in a peaceful and pleasant environment could boost their personal and professional life
. So despite all those downsides of socialized relationship
with Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
colleagues
, the idea of a wide and intimate relationship at work
is worthy and sensible.Submitted by zohal21 on
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coherence cohesion
It is essential that your essay possesses a clear and logical structure. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, and each idea or argument is clearly linked to your main thesis. Additionally, aim to balance the content of your paragraphs, so no single idea overpowers the others.
coherence cohesion
It appears that the introduction and conclusion are present, but the essay would benefit from a more definitive statement of the author's personal opinion in the conclusion. The opinion presented is somewhat vague and could be strengthened with more conviction and clearer justification.
coherence cohesion
While the main points have been supported to an extent, strive to extend your supporting arguments with more detailed explanations or illustrative examples. This will enrich your essay by providing a stronger argumentative backbone.
task achievement
Your essay provides a response that ostensibly covers the task, yet it would benefit from further development of ideas. Aim to present arguments and discussions that are not just at the surface level but explore the implications of the issues at hand more thoroughly. This requires a deeper critical engagement with the topic.
task achievement
Though the ideas in your essay are relatively clear, their development lacks depth and detail. Work on expounding upon the main ideas, ensuring that each point is comprehensive and fully explained in the context of the discussion.
task achievement
The essay could be significantly enhanced by incorporating relevant and specific examples to substantiate the claims made. The inclusion of well-chosen examples demonstrates an understanding of the real-world implications of the theoretical points discussed in the essay and serves to make your arguments more persuasive.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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