IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below compares the percentage of time Australian mothers and fathers spent helping their children with four activities in 2013

The chart depicts the time consumed
for
Change preposition
by
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 Australian
parents
Use synonyms
 to help their
kids
Use synonyms
 with 4 domestic
action
Change to a plural noun
actions
show examples
 in 2013.
Overall
Linking Words
, Motherhood companionship experienced the highest rate among other activities and nearly the same position as the participation of
both
Use synonyms
 mothers and
fathers
Use synonyms
. That said,
fathers
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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rarely accompanied their children individually for dressing, homework, playing games and preparing for sleep in 2013. There was a trend for mothers in terms of dressing their
kids
Use synonyms
 by reaching 75 %
while
Linking Words
fathers
Use synonyms
 were least participated in
apply
Change the verb form
applying
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 situation with only several
occations
Correct your spelling
occasions
.
However
Linking Words
,
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 did it for 50 % knowing it was above the average percentage even though the disparity between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 personal
companionship
Change to a plural noun
companionships
show examples
 was vividly shown. Meanwhile,
Fathers
Use synonyms
 were only positioned by 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 as the significant individual act for housework far under the mothers with
60
Correct article usage
a 60
show examples
 % ratio.
Both
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parents
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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moderately participated in helping their
kids
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
with
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 housework by 39 %. Playing games
indicated
Add a missing verb
was indicated
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 as the highest participated
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
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 for
both
Use synonyms
parents
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 with their
kids
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while
Linking Words
 preparing for sleep
considered
Wrong verb form
considering
show examples
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
 percentage for
parents
Use synonyms
 to accompany them.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words parents, kids, both, fathers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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