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Writing Samples
Band 4

Being a celebrity - such as a famous film or sport personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems

Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that being a celebrity
such
Linking Words
 as a famous film or
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 personality brings
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 benefits. True or not depends
Use synonyms
Change preposition
on people
show examples
people have any
Verb problem
people's
show examples
 perspective about
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 things. In my country there is many
actress
Fix the agreement mistake
actresses
show examples
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
actor
Fix the agreement mistake
actors
show examples
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have
glamor
Change the spelling
glamour
show examples
 daily life and showed about their daily activities on social media and
Change preposition
in real-life
show examples
real-life
Correct your spelling
real life
show examples
. On the one hand,
for example
Linking Words
, they
active
Add a missing verb
are active
show examples
to joined
Change preposition
in joining
show examples
 social
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
,
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
 other humans who
needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
helps
Change the wording
help
bits of help
show examples
 and gave motivation how to care about around
us
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, celebrities have
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 sharing information
what
Change preposition
about what
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 happens at the moment and
as a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 it will be fast giving news to other
people
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
Correct article usage
a benefits
show examples
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
 when the artist uses their popularity. Meanwhile, many public
figure
Change to a plural noun
figures
show examples
 had
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their life. When they do anything it will
be expose
Change the verb form
be exposed
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 television or
Change preposition
in news
show examples
news letter
Correct your spelling
newsletter
show examples
.
Linking Words
Nevertheless
Add a comma
Nevertheless,
show examples
 some artist
likes
Wrong verb form
like
show examples
 making
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 with other
people
Use synonyms
 or
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
of
Change preposition
as
show examples
other famous person
Change the wording
another famous person
other famous people
show examples
.
Their someone
Correct pronoun usage
Someone
show examples
 who
Add a missing verb
is closed
show examples
closed
Replace the word
close
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
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 them will be impacted
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because humans know how to get specific information when they
searches
Change the verb form
search
show examples
 with
person
Add an article
the person
a person
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 who
Add a missing verb
is closed
show examples
closed
Replace the word
close
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
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 the celebrity.
Linking Words
Consequently
Add a comma
Consequently,
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 their family will be disturbed
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
 their actions. It is
look
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 deal when the actress or actor
growth
Replace the word
grows
show examples
 because of their
problem
Use synonyms
. In my point of view and my conclusion, some public
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 have a strength and
weakness
Fix the agreement mistake
weaknesses
show examples
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their life but
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 they have to
showed
Change the form of the verb
show
show examples
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 attitude to their fans and
also
Linking Words
 they have to
brings
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
 more benefits to other
people
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they have big impacts to influence many humans.

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task achievement
Task response could be improved by directly addressing the essay prompt and ensuring that the response is structured to both evaluate and compare the benefits and problems of being a celebrity. It would be beneficial to provide a clear opinion that is developed throughout the essay with relevant reasons and examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from better coherence and cohesion. Logical connectors and transition phrases should be used to improve the essay's flow. Paragraphs should be structured with a clear main idea followed by supporting sentences. An introduction with a clear thesis statement and a concluding paragraph summarizing the main points are needed.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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