It is more important to invest in further education rather than to gain work experience after finishing university in order to find a good job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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this

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modern era, after finishing university, many humans believe that investing in postgraduate is more vital than gaining work-related skills when it comes to finding glamorous job positions. In

this

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essay, I will focus on

further

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education and describe my opinions with examples.

To begin

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with

this

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statement, in my perspective, the majority of people prefer to invest

further

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in academics because to achieve a post-graduate degree and to become a

Ph.D.

Change the punctuation

PhD

show examples

or professional is not only reliable to gain well-paid job’s employment but

also

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for better their long-term.

In addition

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, getting a degree from educational institutions,

such

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as Stanford

academy

Capitalize word

Academy

show examples

, and Cambridge University, plays a significant role for students,

due to

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the fact that ,for higher positions, a large number of employers may look for these skilful workers or professionals.

For instance

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, company managers, engineers and doctors need the qualifications and their relevant knowledge from academic institutions or organizations.

On the other hand

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, after finishing an undergraduate degree, numerous students think that gaining work experience is essential for practice and getting a job occupation

instead

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of achieving

further

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knowledge.

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Although

Correct word choice

However

show examples

, to become an expert or successful person in a particular field, qualifications or certificates from a university

require

Wrong verb form

are required

show examples

in society in order to find a good career rather than social skills at a high-paid salary workplace.

According to

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research, despite qualification and social skills

are

Wrong verb form

being

show examples

necessary for the employment of individuals, white collars are privileged groups among populations. In conclusion, in spite of the fact that pursuing advanced knowledge from educational

institution

Fix the agreement mistake

institutions

show examples

and collecting work experiences are interdependent for those who are seeking excellent employment,

as well as

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work-life balance is important.

Nonetheless

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, it should be depended on the final decision of human beings.

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coherence cohesion

Essay exhibits poor logical structure with unclear progression of ideas, which hinders its coherence. It is essential to organize paragraphs well, using a clear topic sentence to introduce the main idea, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence that reinforces the paragraph's main point.

coherence cohesion

Introduction and conclusion are present but lack clarity and are not effectively articulated. Introductions should provide a clear thesis statement that directly addresses the prompt, while conclusions must effectively summarize the main arguments presented in the essay.

coherence cohesion

Main points are present but lack sufficient development and support, often relying on general statements rather than concrete examples or evidence. Employ specific examples to illustrate each main point and provide an in-depth analysis for more persuasive argumentation.

task achievement

Response does not fully address all parts of the task, leading to a lack of completeness in the response. Ensure that every aspect of the prompt is addressed and opinions are backed by strong rationale.

task achievement

Ideas are not expressed clearly and comprehensively, leading to confusion for the reader. Strive for clarity by revising sentences for simplicity and precision. Use paragraphs to encapsulate individual ideas and ensure each is fully developed before moving on.

task achievement

Limited use of relevant specific examples hinders the illustration of points. Draw from a variety of sources to provide specific evidence for the arguments made within the essay. This can include data from research studies, historical examples, or hypothetical situations that clearly align with the thesis.

14
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

286 words

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It is more important to invest in further education rather than to gain work experience after finishing university in order to find a good job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Education of young people is highly prioritized in many countries. However, educating adults who cannot write or read is even more important and governments should spend more money on this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that media have the right to publish details of people's private lives, while others think it should be controlled. Discuss both views.

Some scientists believe that studying the behavior of 3-year-old children can tell which children would grow up to be criminals. To what extent in your opinion is crime a product of human nature or is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminals?