In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.
On our days, some countries decide that youngsters have to
work
in some paid work
but some people
thinks
that’s wrong but others see some Change the verb form
think
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
on
these Change preposition
in
practice
like taking experience and it is a good way Fix the agreement mistake
practices
for
Change preposition
to
learing
. I Correct your spelling
learn
am completely agree
with these Change the verb form
completely agree
people
who things
Verb problem
think
that is
a good activity for children, but let studie
Correct your spelling
let's study
boths
opinions.
Starting Correct your spelling
both
by
the fact Change preposition
with
that is
a wrong think
, Correct your spelling
thing
people
say that because they think that children’s
have to play Change noun form
children
instead
of work
. After, some people
thinks
that Change the verb form
think
childrens
do not have to have Correct your spelling
children
money
. For example
, if children own money
they do not know what to do and their parents are going to take the money
. So, youngsters are working for anything that is
an opinion but other people
could thinks
Change the verb form
think
different
.
Change the word
differently
On the other hand
, other individuals support the fact that is
it a good way for the good development of the child. Because start working since
they Correct word choice
until
was
around 13 years Change the verb form
were
may
help them or the future because they will Correct word choice
old may
win
experience Verb problem
gain
on
working. After, Change preposition
in
earn
some Wrong verb form
earning
money
it is good for the boy or girl because they could
buy Wrong verb form
can
watever
and do not depend on their parents. Correct your spelling
whatever
For
instance
if a child Add a comma
instance,
work
in a restaurant helping with some tasks, in the future
he will be better than Add a comma
future,
other
doing Fix the agreement mistake
others
this
and he or she already knows how to earns
Wrong verb form
earn
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
money
and they can spend it on sweets, chocolate and many other thinks
that make the child happy.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
things
engaged
children in some kind of paid Replace the word
engaging
work
could have advantages or disadvantages but in my opinion
there Add a comma
opinion,
is
more Correct subject-verb agreement
are
a
benefits and star working early with Correct article usage
apply
litle
Correct your spelling
little
task
it is very good.Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
Submitted by santos_dij on
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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay does exhibit an attempt to address the topic but lacks a clear logical structure, making it difficult for the reader to follow. To improve coherence, create a more defined paragraph structure with clear topic sentences and transitions. Each paragraph should present one main idea with supporting sentences that develop the idea further.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without introducing new ideas. This helps to frame the essay and gives a sense of completeness to the response.
Task Achievement
The essay attempts to cover the topic but lacks depth in the ideas presented. It is important to thoroughly develop your arguments with clear and specific examples to support your points. This will demonstrate your ability to discuss the topic comprehensively and show a complete understanding.
Task Achievement
Make use of clear and comprehensive ideas throughout your response, ensuring that each paragraph explores a different aspect of the topic with clarity and focus. Avoid overly general statements and strive to be precise in the presentation of your ideas.
Task Achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to bolster your arguments. Using appropriate illustrative examples helps to clarify your points and can add weight to your arguments, showing a deeper understanding of the topic and the ability to apply your knowledge in a practical context.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...